TikToker cleans out his father’s hoarded house – going viral
Madison Lovell posts videos online while cleaning out her childhood home after her father passed away.
Wearing a protective suit and blue gloves, Madison Lovell, 40, opened the doors and windows of her late father’s apartment in Oklahoma to let fresh air in and get to work.
In a time-lapse video, she walked her more than 860,000 Instagram followers through her day’s work, focusing on a corner of her father’s bedroom. She said she threw countless envelopes, plastic bags and wire hangers “in piles and piles on top of what I’m sure was a chair or maybe a basket.” She was surprised to find a box containing an engagement photo of her parents, who divorced when she was two years old.
“Here’s what no one really tells me,” Lovell said in the video. “Cleaning out your hoard is basically like making 10,000 small decisions while also processing your grief and sometimes arguing with a broken lamp, because it’s hard to throw away a broken lamp.”
According to the International OCD Foundation, it is estimated that 2 to 6 percent of the population suffers from hoarding disorder, and the symptoms are most common in adults over the age of 55. Research shows that severity increases with age. Because of the persistent stigma against hoarding, people with hoarding disorder and their families tend to feel guilt and shame, which is compounded when the hoarder dies. While grieving, the remaining caregivers face the emotional, time-consuming, and sometimes expensive and dangerous task of cleaning their loved one’s home.
Lovell’s video received tens of thousands of comments, many from families of people with hoarding disorder.
Lovell knew that her father had been collecting things since his parents’ divorce. She told USA TODAY that she wasn’t allowed to get rid of anything as a child, including dresses from when she was a toddler. That’s why she chose to stay with her high school friends and left home early to avoid the clutter and embarrassment she was feeling at home. She then tried to get her father to help her, but he resisted.
He required continued care due to a stroke and died in June 2024 after she provided care. The two were very close, but when he suffered his stroke, Lovell said it was the first time she had seen his home in 17 years. She will never forget that phone call.
“He was upstairs and couldn’t come downstairs,” she said. He begged her not to call 911 because he didn’t want strangers in his house. “And to be honest, I don’t know if they could have gotten through there.”
Hoarding, mental health, and why some people can’t get rid of things
Ann Pagano, a clinical social worker and founder and executive director of the Hoarding Disorder Resource Training Group in Westchester, New York, said hoarding disorder is more common than people think. Pagano said people with hoarding disorder are often “very smart about not actually having people come into their home,” which masks health and fire risks and makes it difficult for loved ones to know the condition of their living space over the years.
Hoarding disorder is a mental health condition classified as obsessive-compulsive disorder and related disorders, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It affects people’s executive functioning and organizational abilities, Pagano said, and often causes people to acquire too many items or experience extreme distress at the thought of throwing something away.
This is the truth about hoarding disorder – and how to help someone
Lovell, who calls herself a “daddy’s boy,” said she only fought with her father once during her college days. It was about the situation at his condo, and he told her he would call the police if she took anything from his home without permission.
“I couldn’t make sense of it, but there was a connection to it,” Lovell said. “He was genuinely concerned that the thing was going to be thrown in the trash. And it really caused him great anxiety.”
Pagano said some people with hoarding disorder have “clutter blindness,” meaning they “don’t really see what other people are seeing.”
“It’s not laziness. It’s not about being sloppy. It’s a psychiatric issue,” Pagano said.
Hoarding disorder may begin in childhood or may be triggered by a traumatic event. Mary Dozier, an associate professor of psychology at Mississippi State University who studies hoarding, said hoarding also has a genetic and generational component. “Our parents tell us what to value and what not to value,” she said. Dozier says caregivers who inherit a home with savings can become so overwhelmed that they never tap into their family’s savings.
Lovell said that while cleaning out her father’s house, she found a box of property tax records that belonged to her great-grandmother, whom she had never met. She guessed that her grandfather must have kept those documents and given them to her father. My father couldn’t let them go either.
“When I opened that metal box and saw my great-grandmother’s property taxes from 1959, I thought, ‘I don’t want this to happen to my son,'” she said. “I think it’s okay to start getting rid of a lot of this stuff.”
“It’s much more common than you think.”
Pagano works with families like Lovell’s to clear out hoarded homes after their owners pass away. Sometimes, she said, families don’t want to see the house at all and ask the company to remove everything. Other families wait years after a loved one’s death before entering a hoarding home, citing overwhelming and trauma in addition to other emotions such as grief, shame and anger, she said. She tries to help them figure out the best steps forward, including consulting with a real estate agent, hiring a cleaning company, and unearthing some items of family and historical value to those still alive.
Lovell worked with a mental health counselor who helped her cope with the chaos at home and her own grief and anxiety. When she went back there for the first time, she couldn’t stop crying. He said he did not feel any anger or resentment. Just a sense of relief.
“I’m going to be worried for the rest of my life that my dad’s going to be there. He lived that way and it killed me, and all I wanted was for him to be safe and be okay,” she said through tears. “After he passed away, I was very lonely, but I was so relieved to know that he wasn’t in pain, that he wasn’t trapped in a body he couldn’t keep up with anymore, and that he didn’t have to live in that apartment.”
Currently, Lovell said the physical cleanup of her father’s house is about 75 percent complete. Once that’s done, she moves on to restoration.
She considered hiring a cleaner, but ultimately decided she needed to clean his house herself. She said the process has been therapeutic for her and feels like the “last act of love” she can do for her father. She has been overwhelmed by the kindness and support from strangers, thousands of whom have reached out since she started posting videos.
“On the really tough days, when you don’t want to show up anymore, you have to make a video, so you have to. Everyone is waiting for updates,” she said. “What surprised me the most was how many people actually experienced this. It’s much more common than you think.”
Expert advice for those caring for a loved one with hoarding disorder
Pagano says the worst thing a caregiver can do to “help” a loved one with hoarding disorder is clean the house for them.
She has seen adult children wait until their parents are away or book a trip to get their parents out of the house, then go into the dumpster without asking to get rid of their parents’ belongings. That’s not the way to go, she said. Instead, Pagano and Dozier suggest having gentle, boundary-setting conversations that may encourage your loved one to address their hoarding habits.
“‘I’d love to see her. I’d like her grandchild to come too, but she doesn’t feel comfortable. I don’t think it’s safe for her here. She might trip over something,'” Pagano said.
Dozier said he asks what their goals are, especially when it comes to aging and retirement. Do they want to age in place? Do they want to look for a retirement community? Both options likely involve downsizing and decluttering, Dozier says. Do they want to cook more? Next, you’ll need a clean countertop. She says it’s important to ask about sleeping, showering, and eating habits to determine if hoarding is preventing you from using your bed, bathroom, or kitchen. She suggests caregivers visit the International OCD Foundation website for other resources.
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If the hoarder is willing to get help, caregivers can work with the person to slowly work through the pile or hire someone to work with them. Pagano sometimes offers therapy to clients who need to discuss emotional issues that arise when sorting through their belongings.
She also reminds people that hoarding disorder has a very high recurrence rate. Once the house has been cleaned up, people with hoarding disorder need to have regular contact with friends, family, and caseworkers to prevent clutter from accumulating again.
“Surveillance and monitoring is really essential. Otherwise, it’s going to be a slippery slope and things will get worse again,” Pagano said. “It’s not a quick fix.”
Madeline Mitchell’s role covering women and the care economy for USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Contact Madeline at: memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ With X.
