Colton Underwood shares his fertility ‘shame’
Colton Underwood revealed the “shame” he felt over his infertility treatments as he and husband Jordan C. Brown try to start a family.
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Colton Underwood knew from an early age that he wanted to be a father.
In his new audio-only memoir, Dear Bishop: A Letter To My Son (now available from Hachette Audio), he recalls his second-grade teacher asking his class to write on a piece of paper what they wanted to be when they grew up. When his teacher advised him to drop “NFL player” and write something more realistic, he wrote “stay-at-home dad.”
Now, at age 34, both of his childhood dreams have become reality.
Underwood, a former NFL player who appeared on The Bachelor before coming out as gay in 2021, married Jordan C. Brown in 2023, and the two became parents to son Bishop in 2024. As he approaches his second Father’s Day, Underwood spoke to USA TODAY about his new memoir and what fatherhood has taught him so far.
“Nothing can prepare you for this,” Underwood said. “What I learned is that I have a new baby every two weeks. Our kids are growing, and most babies grow at this rate, and I’m like, ‘Wow! Can I do this already? OK.'”
He said being a father is “the purest love and joy and pure happiness I’ve ever experienced in my life.”
Colton Underwood never thought he’d become a father. Now he wants to have two more children.
In his new memoir, Underwood reveals that his stint on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette was a “misguided attempt at self-transformation therapy.” He talks about lying to friends and family about his love life, sneaking out to meet men in college, and how he tried to take his own life because of the shame and guilt he felt at the time.
He said he would make a deal with God, begging to be straight. He never thought he could be a father while being gay, he told USA TODAY.
“I didn’t know that was possible,” he said. After he started coming out to his friends and family, he said, “Even though I came out, I didn’t actually give up on my dream of becoming a father. I think that was the most difficult negotiation I had to make with myself.”
He said there had been references to same-sex couples being parents, citing actor Neil Patrick Harris, who has twins with husband David Burtka, as an example. But at the time, Underwood said, she “didn’t really know or look for” such role models.
He remembers his first date with Brown, when he shared his passion for becoming a father. That’s when everything fell into place, and Underwood recalls thinking, “I really can do this.”
But even after he came out and started dating Brown, Underwood said the road to fatherhood wasn’t easy. He and Brown opened up about their infertility struggles while trying to become fathers, and started the podcast Daddyhood to help other hopeful parents feel less alone.
After making lifestyle and medication changes and relying on an egg donor and surrogate, Underwood and Brown became fathers in 2024.
“It takes a lot of thought and intention for same-sex couples to have children,” Underwood said, adding that they also face financial barriers to expanding their families. “We definitely want one more (baby), if not two more.”
While his faith remains important to him, Underwood says his relationship with religion has changed since coming out and becoming a father.
“My view of faith may not be what it used to be,” he says. “I really feel like the more I get out there, the better my relationship with God is. It’s not conditional anymore.”
What’s next for Colton Underwood?
Underwood said her social media posts are often a breeding ground for hateful comments from people who “don’t agree with same-sex couples having families.”
“I’m in a period where I really try to do my best to protect my peace,” Underwood says. He hopes to continue sharing his story and continuing to be a role model for the LGBTQ+ community. “But it’s going to be tough.”
What is his approach to negativity? Patience and kindness. “I want to be a bridge,” he says. He hopes that by sharing his experiences as a gay man and father with others, more people will accept him.
“Our son has two loving parents,” he says. “And both of his parents are doing everything they can to take care of him, raise him, and give him a great life.”
But with the truly aggressive haters, “we just ignore them and let them go,” Underwood said.
These days, she says she’s more comfortable living outside the spotlight. He and Brown recently co-founded the child skincare brand Toddle.
“I’ve been doing a lot more producing, and I’ve been doing a lot more directing and creative direction these days, and I feel a lot more fulfilled in that,” he said. “It’s really exciting to be able to tap into my creative side without feeling like I have to give my all to the world.”
Madeline Mitchell’s role covering women and the care economy for USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Contact Madeline at: memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ With X.
