Jesse Diggins talks eating disorders and recovery
Jesse Diggins shares his journey with recovery from eating disorders and mental health in preparation for the Olympics with USAT’s Sydney Henderson.
take sports seriously
Beth Ayn Stansfield of Virginia was thrilled when a preteen girl asked her to start running with her.
“At first, she came home from school one day in middle school and said she just wanted to get healthy and was going to go on a diet,” Stansfield said. “I was on the South Beach Diet at the time, so I didn’t think much of it.”
Ms. Stansfield enjoyed bonding with her daughter, Carly, through food and exercise, and especially enjoyed working out together as a way to have fun and relieve stress. But she soon realized that “it started to get extreme” for Carly. Carly initially eliminated sweets. Then she cut out all carbs. Later, Stansfield noticed that her daughter sometimes skipped meals altogether.
Stansfield said she skips social events to exercise. She constantly criticized her body and tied her worth to her appearance. But it didn’t feel the same as watching the daughter who was supposed to grow shrink.
Carly was diagnosed with an eating disorder at age 12, and Stansfield traveled with her to an eating recovery center in Colorado, where she received more than three months of treatment. The center has a family education program, and as Stansfield learned more about eating disorders, she began to think, “This is similar to my story.”
“I had lost a lot of weight at that point, but I wasn’t sick,” Stansfield said, adding that she saw no reason to seek help for herself. “I was actually getting feedback from my family and friends that supported what I was doing. I mean, people were actually saying, ‘Wow, you’re really great.'”
Stansfield, 65, is not alone. Preconceptions about eating disorders, such as the mistaken belief that a person must be thin to be diagnosed, can prevent parents from recognizing their own suffering. And when it comes to eating disorder recovery in children, it’s important to model healthy eating behaviors for parents and caregivers, said Lauren Salvatore, a psychologist and senior director of behavioral health at Northwell’s Cohen Children’s Medical Center.
She typically advises parents to share similar high-calorie meals with their children and avoid excessive exercise while they recover. But she’s also sensitive to parents who struggle with eating disorders.
“It’s not your fault that your child has an eating disorder,” Salvatore says. “You are your child’s biggest advocate. Your own struggles should not prevent you from helping your child recover.”
“My focus was on her.”
Few people with eating disorders are medically underweight, according to a study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Ashley Moser, a clinical educator and family therapist at the Renfrew Center, an eating disorder treatment center, said a key indicator of an eating disorder is how much of a person’s daily life is dominated by thoughts about food, exercise, and body image. Many people go many years without realizing they have an eating disorder.
“We’re not just concerned about people who are visibly or medically challenged. We also need to be concerned about people who are so wrapped up in their own lives that they prioritize exercise and eating rules over relationships, that they miss out on life.” “We’re missing out on people who are experiencing a lot of mood symptoms and feelings of isolation as a result of anxiety about how they feel about themselves and their bodies, about eating and being seen.”
So did Christy Hamston of Kansas. Hamston said her daughter told her she was having trouble eating when she was in middle school. Hamston said she immediately remembered her high school days when her friends would ask her why she didn’t eat lunch.
“There was a lot of denial,” Hamston, 54, said. However, in hindsight, she realized that she had probably been battling an eating disorder most of her life. “I never thought it was a problem until I started noticing it through my daughter.”
Inga Janoski, 52, also realized she had struggled with eating disorders her whole life after her child was hospitalized for anorexia when she was nine years old. She said she felt blamed by doctors and nurses for not noticing her child’s condition sooner. They were sent home from the hospital with instructions on refeeding, with little outside support.
“It was definitely scary,” Yanoski said.
The amount her child had to eat to gain weight back “really started to trigger something in me,” she said. As Yanoski learned more about the disorder, she realized that she, too, sometimes skips or delays meals and is often preoccupied with her weight and eating rules.
“It actually helped me,” she said. She found a therapist with a background in eating disorders and put her child on a high-calorie diet. Together, they healed, Janoski said.
Caregiving can be all-consuming, and many caregivers put their own health aside while caring for a sick loved one. A new survey of more than 1,000 eating disorder caregivers by Equip, a virtual eating disorder treatment program, found that 80% of respondents felt overwhelmed, and one in three said they too suffered from anxiety, depression, or an eating disorder.
Even when Stansfield realized she might have an eating disorder, she kept it to herself. “There were times when I wanted to tell someone,” she said. “But I didn’t want them to think I was talking about myself.”
“My focus was on her,” Stansfield said of her daughter. She poured all of her energy into helping Carly regain health. Luckily, that meant attending therapy sessions from time to time and following Carly’s meal plan. “Her recovery really sparked my own healing without ever telling anyone.”
While supporting her daughter, Stansfield said she quietly changed her own eating and exercise habits and challenged the way she thought about her body. She said she felt it was an imperative to be the best mother she could be.
“Kids, they watch you far more than they listen to you,” Stansfield said. “They notice what we prioritize, what we praise, what we avoid, and even how we criticize ourselves. So I started paying attention.”
Parental conflict doesn’t necessarily cause children’s disabilities, experts say
Parents and caregivers don’t have to suffer in silence, Hamston said. Hamston, now a caregiver coach with Equip, encourages parents and caregivers to open up about their own struggles with eating disorders.
Parents who recognize they need help should seek therapy, Salvatore said.
Moser emphasized that while it’s important to model neutral language and positive body talk around food, a parent’s struggle with an eating disorder is never the cause of a child’s eating disorder.
“There are so many factors at play,” Moser said. “I think a lot of parents carry guilt, shame and fear that they may have done something wrong.”
Especially in this day and age where weight loss drugs are popular, weight loss is celebrated and excessive exercise is the norm, Moser said it’s essential for parents to identify eating disorders early and ensure they have the resources they need to support their child’s treatment if needed.
Stansfield is in a much better situation now, she said. She has a balanced and healthy relationship with food and exercise. But sometimes, when I see messages about GLP-1 and body image, I feel a twinge of alarm.
“The warrior in me started to ignite,” she said. “I’m angry because, in my opinion, we’re going to see more eating disorders come to the surface because of this.”
Readers seeking help may contact the National Eating Disorders Alliance Helpline at 1-866-662-1235.www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com). Individuals facing a mental health crisis can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “ALLIANCE” to 741741.
Madeline Mitchell’s role covering women and the care economy for USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Contact Madeline at memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_.
