Kendall Williams, 53, won’t see her youngest son on Mother’s Day this year. But it’s nothing new.
Ms Williams has been estranged from her 30-year-old son since September 2023, when she decided to cut off contact because she felt the relationship had become unhealthy and emotionally abusive. USA TODAY reached out to his son, who declined to comment on his relationship with his mother.
“It wasn’t an easy decision,” Williams said. “I really love my two sons.”
Although she remains close with her 35-year-old eldest son, she is not sure she will be in a position to resume a relationship with her youngest son. She has written two books on the subject and frequently posts about her estrangement on social media platforms. She says that people often criticize her, but they don’t understand the whole story.
“I was diagnosed with cervical cancer that same year, so I had to distance myself from our relationship for my own well-being,” Williams told USA TODAY. “I had to really focus on my health instead of putting all my focus on him. I’ve been doing that for years.”
In recent years, more and more people have come forward about setting boundaries with their families, or even cutting ties with their families completely. A 2025 YouGov poll found that 38% of Americans are estranged from at least one family member, and 10% are estranged from their children. But while adult children are often praised for “keeping the peace” by distancing themselves from their parents and siblings, Williams said, mothers are demonized for doing the same.
British psychologist and family separation researcher Lucy Blake said accusations of emotional abuse were a common reason for family separation. People often describe feeling yelled at, manipulated, or called names. Such behavior can be just as harmful to someone’s life and well-being as physical abuse, she says.
“And emotional abuse often occurs when other types of abuse are occurring,” she says.
“Don’t take fear for your safety lightly,” Williams said, adding that she had a friend, Rosemary Slaughter Pate, who was killed by a child in Florida despite her attempts to contact authorities and get help for the child. “Don’t say, ‘That’s my child, they would never hurt me.’ Think about it seriously.”
“Our expectations for mothers are very high.”
Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for “so many people and for so many different reasons,” Blake said. Tina Gilbertson is a family estrangement therapist who works primarily with parents who have estranged themselves from their children. Gilbertson says this is more common than people think and can cause a lot of grief, especially around the holidays.
“There is a very strong and unrealistic expectation that mothers will always be there for their children, no matter what,” Gilbertson said. “And I think that’s an ideal that no human being can achieve.”
Blake said mothers often bear the brunt of maintaining families and homes, but sometimes they don’t have much support. “Our expectations of mothers are so high,” she says.
She said it was “bold and brave” for mothers like Ms Williams to share their experiences of exclusion, and she hoped it “might be of real comfort” to other mothers going through similar experiences.
“I think there’s an expectation that parents will literally do anything for their children and endure any kind of emotional pain,” Blake said.
Mothers are often viewed as “servants of everyone around them,” so the moment a mother decides to put herself above others, “that’s always frowned upon,” Williams said.
Williams said things got easier over time when it came to her son. She has gotten used to him not being a part of her life.
“I’m at peace with this. Sometimes I miss my son, and so do I. But I’m at peace now,” she said, adding that her health and mental well-being are her priorities right now, especially as someone whose cancer is in remission.
“I just want mothers to have a voice,” she said. “Mothers no longer have to suffer in silence, no longer have to live in shame without an idealistic image of what their relationship with their children should be.”
Setting Healthy Expectations for Mother’s Day
Blake said Mother’s Day posts on social media can be difficult for estranged mothers, whether they or their children have lost contact or not.
“What we’re seeing that day doesn’t fully reflect what everyone went through as a human being,” Blake said. “People rarely share experiences of tension, disappointment, heartache, betrayal, and loss.”
While these are things everyone experiences in relationships, Blake said people are far more likely to post moments together and well-chosen images of bliss on social media. But she says it’s important to recognize that alienation is not uncommon.
Gilbertson suggests planning your day, whether it’s running errands, meeting friends, or cooking a delicious meal.
“It’s okay to have that sadness,” Gilbertson said. “These are sad times. It’s a reminder of the disconnect.”
Madeline Mitchell’s role covering women and the care economy for USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Contact Madeline at: memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ With X.
