Grieving American workers struggle to return to work
After losing a loved one, many American employees struggle with feelings of loneliness and isolation at work.
In April, Stephen Woods’ son-in-law, Ryan Jennings, was swimming with his two older children in Florida during a family vacation when he was caught in a rip current and pulled up. He breathed his last while safely landing his children.
His loss was a double blow to Woods. For the past five years, Mr. Jennings worked as senior vice president of customer service for Mr. Woods’ medical health marketing company in Maine.
“When you lose someone you thought was your son, someone you thought was a leader in your business, you have families who are grieving, there are employees who are grieving, and there are customers who are grieving,” Woods said.
But business had to go on. “Obviously if you have contracts, employees and a budget, it takes time to realize the loss, but business is people’s livelihoods and it’s a legal obligation, and you can’t just quit,” Woods said. “You can’t take a few weeks or months off and just unplug.”
Rebecca Feinroth, a certified grief support specialist, founder of Grieve Leave and host of the “Grief’d Up” podcast, said employers like Woods are on the front lines of grief every day in the United States due to death and loss.
But there are too many things missing. Few organizations can offer more than a kind word or a referral to an employee assistance program, Feingros said.
Bereavement leave is not long enough and grieving employees receive too little support when they return to work. result? Billions of people have been lost to unsupported grief: decreased productivity, decreased morale and job satisfaction, increased absenteeism, and increased turnover.
“It’s the boss who has to disclose that someone has passed away. You’re going to have to tell the boss that you’re going to take some time off,” Feingross said. “How your boss reacts to that, how they support you or not support you, will be remembered forever.”
get time to grieve
Only five states have laws requiring people to take time off when a loved one dies: California, Illinois, Oregon, Maryland, and Washington. Employees everywhere rely on the goodwill of their bosses.
Bereavement leave is the most popular type of paid family leave, with nine out of 10 employers extending it, but it is only granted for three days and is often limited to the death of a close family member.
Ron Gula, co-founder and CEO of bereavement firm Empathy, said bereavement policies have traditionally been designed to give employees a few days to make funeral and other arrangements, but have done little to address the trauma and grief that lingers beyond the first few days.
She said employers are starting to realize that employees need additional support and more time to grieve.
“Expanding our existing bereavement leave policy will go a long way in supporting our employees when they need it most,” Mr Gula said.
John Hyman, head of employment and labor practice at Wickens Herzer Panza, advises clients to rely on individual administrators and work out arrangements on a case-by-case basis.
“Grief doesn’t happen on a schedule, and a strict three-day bereavement policy applied without discretion is a good way to lose good employees,” Hyman said. “Employers who can handle these moments well earn true loyalty. Employers who don’t tend to find that out in exit interviews.
Creating a culture of “communicating sadness”
Having a generous bereavement policy isn’t enough, says Sarah Kagan, founder of Kelia Grief Coaching. The culture surrounding grief must also change.
Employers need to foster a “grief-aware” culture that recognizes grief as a natural response to loss and responds to the different needs of people as they return to work.
“Grief in the workplace is now treated like a blip. If you have a grieving incident and take bereavement leave, it may take a week for people to notice you and treat you kindly, and then it’s back to business as usual,” she said.
break the silence: Business as usual can be tough for people who are grieving. In her book, “Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy,” former Facebook executive Sheryl Sandberg wrote about her husband, Survey Monkey CEO Dave Goldberg, who died unexpectedly in 2015, she described grief as the elephant in the room. She felt even more alone because no one asked her how she was feeling.
problem? Managers often don’t know how to support their employees. That’s why at Gura, we recommend training on how to have these sensitive conversations.
“Training managers to check in with compassion, provide ongoing support, and be flexible with workloads and expectations during adjustment periods” can make a big difference, he said.
“One of the most supportive things a manager can do is say, ‘I trust you to tell me what you need right now, and we’ll figure it out together,'” Feingross said.
leave room for sadness. People are upset when returning to work after a loss. “Even something as simple as reading the obituary of the person who died and knowing their name and a little bit of information about them that helps humanize the loss of an employee can go a long way,” Kagan said.
Talk openly about your grief, Feinroth said. Check in and ask, “How are you feeling today?” instead of “Are you okay?” “This gives you more room to answer honestly without putting pressure on someone to say, ‘Okay,'” Feingross says.
Recognize your “sadness brain.” When someone is sad, their work performance may suffer. You may have difficulty concentrating, your mind may become foggy, and your memory may fade. You may become withdrawn or irritable. You might struggle with daily tasks, miss deadlines, or even miss work for days at a time. But your employees aren’t slacking off, Kagan said. It’s the brain of sadness.
“As a manager, you think they’re not engaged. They’re checked out. They’re not interested in this job,” she said. “The employee is sitting here thinking, ‘I really miss them. I have to do all the estate processing. I’m really distracted by the grief.’ But they never tell their employer.”
Kagan said employees should have clear conversations that get to the heart of where they are on their grief journey.
“You might say, ‘What’s occupying your head space right now?’ Or, ‘What’s your mental bandwidth like this week?’ Or, ‘How much capacity do you need to connect right now?'” she said. “This gives employers the opportunity to truly understand what is going on with their employees.”
be flexible. Grief is different for everyone. Some people may need to work more, and some may need to work less. Offer a flexible or part-time schedule, or stagger your return to work. Allow employees to start work later or leave work earlier.
Adjust your workload, extend deadlines, and make temporary changes to assignments and projects. Maybe you want to spend your day at a meeting or in a quiet part of the office without using your desk.
Remember that grief is not linear, and emotional triggers can appear unexpectedly, Feinroth said.
“Grief doesn’t happen on a calendar,” she says. “Some people may seem ‘fine’ one week, then crumble the next as they hit a milestone or anniversary.” “That’s how grief works. Flexibility needs to be maintained continuously, not just immediately after a loss.”
