Dakota Fanning explains how women can relate to series ‘All Her Fault’
“All Her Fault” stars Sarah Snook and Dakota Fanning talk with USA TODAY’s Ralphie Aversa about the pressures of motherhood and the Peacock series.
As a reporter in my late 20s who covers caregiving and motherhood, sources often assume that I am a parent myself.
They’ll stop and look at me pointedly in the middle of a big talk about the struggles of raising a child, including the tantrums, endless doctor’s visits, and emotional strain. “Well, okay,” they add. Some people stop in the middle of interviews and ask me questions. “Do you have any children?”
No, I tell them. However, I would like to become a mother someday.
I always knew that was the role I wanted. When I played with Barbie dolls as a child, my dolls would always put the baby in the stroller or announce that she was pregnant midway through the game. By middle school, I was well-known in my neighborhood as a babysitter, happily hopping from house to house, entertaining giggling toddlers and helping kids with their math homework. I’ve been curating a list of potential baby names since I was in high school.
So when I walked into a ballroom full of moms at Mom 2.0, an annual summit for moms and parenting experts in Austin, Texas, in April, I felt less like a con artist and more like someone who had just earned a membership card in the mothers’ club a little early. This is like a sneak peek, I told myself. This is how I feel when I write and research many articles for USA TODAY. I am not a parent or caregiver right now, but I will be one day. This is like training.
But as I chatted with mothers between brand booths at the Summit and over tea, a troubling idea that had been brewing over the past year took root. I realized that it’s not enough to just feel deep down that you’re capable of motherhood. Living in a world with so many obstacles to modern motherhood, and deciding whether and when to have a child, is so complex that it made me think about things I had never asked myself or thought about. The question is, “Is it really worth it?” And do I have the ability?
What I learned from a year of research on motherhood
It is often said that it is impossible to fully prepare for parenthood. But this work certainly informed me. Even if the information is sometimes overwhelming.
My sources shared their blissful moments of parenting with me. The connections I build while taking care of my daughter’s hair. The loving gaze of a newborn baby puts everything into perspective. They feel proud when they see their children grow and become confident in their abilities.
But what sticks with me most are the stories of mothers who had to let go of things they never thought they would let go of when they became mothers. A job that does not meet the needs of the family. Friends I can no longer relate to. Despite the promise that young girls like me can “have it all” as mothers and career women, despite the fact that young girls like me have been fed all our lives, passions and hobbies that have fallen by the wayside as dirty diapers pile up.
I wrote about a mother who was required to come to work several days later after an emergency C-section resulted in pre-term labor and her baby was taken to the NICU. I spoke with women who faced cancer during their early years as mothers. I’ve written about the debt some parents can’t afford, and how that debt will be even greater for the sandwich generation. I’ve been analyzing the trad wife vs. female boss paradigm.
And I have a long series of articles outlining the ripple effects of the gender pay gap that widen the moment a woman becomes a mother.
I’m not saying that all the women I interviewed quit their jobs and became stay-at-home moms, but that’s far from the case. But what I’ve found is that many mothers are dissatisfied with a corporate world built to exclude them, a home life that looks better online than it does in real life, and a consumer industry that forever makes them feel inadequate.
Frankly, it scares me.
As I was packing my suitcase at the end of Mom 2.0 weekend, I realized I had collected countless baby items from freebies and bargain bags. The hotel bed was littered with diaper rash cream, chocolate brown baby boots, and thirst-quenching lollipops. Little did I know that these items literally wouldn’t fit in a bag filled with a report notepad, work laptop, library books, and running shoes. I wondered what I would have to sacrifice in the future to make room for those boots. Do you still want it?
i will do it. I know that deep down. And now, thanks to the women and mothers I met at the conference and beyond, I know what I’m up against when I join their ranks. someday.
Madeline Mitchell’s role covering women and the care economy for USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Contact Madeline at: memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ With X.
