This is the innermost fear of every family member who has had to face a chronic illness that robs them of the identity of a loved one.
Things are different this time.
These are words parents of children struggling with addiction hear over and over again. Hold on even if you feel delusional.
In the first few minutes of the 2015 film “Being Charlie,” the main character, 18-year-old Charlie Mills, says the same words on the phone to his parents. The film is loosely based on Nick Reiner’s struggle with drug addiction and his struggles with his parents, Hollywood director Rob Reiner and producer Michelle Singer Reiner.
The Reiner family said the film was a frank and brutal depiction of their experience. Co-written by Nick Reiner and directed by Rob Reiner, it tells the story of a drug-addicted teenager whose movie star father runs for governor. It follows Charlie in and out of rehab centers and his parents fighting over the best way to save him.
It expresses the fear of not knowing where your child is or whether they are safe, even if your child is an adult. The only time you can sleep through the night again is when your children are in rehab or prison, and as parents, you come to the difficult realization that your love is not enough to protect them. Sometimes you are not the one who can help them.
On December 14, Rob and Michelle Reiner were found dead in their home in the Brentwood neighborhood of Los Angeles. Police arrested Nick Reiner, 32, later that day and charged him with murder.
When Being Charlie premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival in 2015, Rob Reiner told the Toronto Sun that the film was “the most personal film I’ve ever worked on.”
Now, as we try to make sense of the unexplainable, we scrutinize this one-piece that offers a glimpse into the Reiner family’s struggles and the cloud of addiction that hangs over them.
According to KFF (formerly known as the Kaiser Family Foundation), two-thirds of families say they or someone in their household has been addicted to alcohol or drugs, become homeless as a result of addiction, or experienced a drug overdose. And one in five adults experience mental health problems. This is the fear that is felt deep down in every family who has had to deal with a chronic illness that robs them of the identity of a loved one. Can we keep them safe?
Not since Eric and Lyle Menendez were arrested in 1989 for the murders of their parents in Beverly Hills has the city of Los Angeles been in the spotlight for parrot murder charges. This crime is extremely rare.
At the time, I was a college student in Northern California. The headline called the brothers “monsters” who killed others out of greed. Their sexual abuse claims were dismissed. The crime was seen less as a family tragedy and more as the work of two entitled young men who wanted more.
But 30 years later, we are beginning to re-examine their cases. A 2024 Netflix documentary offered a sympathetic look at the brothers. And Ryan Murphy’s take on the brothers in 2025 helped people better understand the abuse they suffered, Lyle Menendez said.
This year, the brothers were made eligible for parole after being given 50 years to live.
What has changed is how we respond, talk about that death, and tolerate complexity.
After the initial shock of losing the beloved director and his wife, we turn to their families. This time, we approach the deaths of Rob Reiner and Michelle Reiner with a seek for understanding rather than an immediate vilification of their son.
“It’s like a Greek tragedy, indescribable,” “This Is Spinal Tap” star Harry Shearer told USA TODAY.
Rather than criticize Nick Reiner, friends talk about taking care of the couple’s family, which includes their three children.
“Our sole focus and care at this time is on their children and immediate family,” Christopher Guest and Jamie Lee Curtis said in a joint statement.
It is still not known exactly what happened or what led to the murder, but the Reiner family has talked about past drug use and hinted at mental health issues. The New York Post also reported that Nick Reiner got into an argument with his father at a party at Conan O’Brien’s house hours before the alleged murder.
Although substance abuse does not cause violence, about half of domestic violence incidents involve drug or alcohol use. Additionally, two-thirds of victims who were assaulted by someone close to them, such as a child or partner, reported that alcohol was involved. Mental illness does not necessarily predispose people to violent behavior.
Addiction can complicate family relationships, said Ziv Cohen, a forensic psychiatrist and medical director of Principium Psychiatry. And while it’s not always the cause of violence, it can contribute to it.
He said adult children who suffer from addiction can become paranoid and violent when inebriated or experiencing withdrawal symptoms. “They can develop a mindset where they see people who have good intentions toward them as enemies,” Cohen says. “This could create a dangerous situation.”
Nick Reiner talked about his addiction, which started when he was 15 years old. He has been to rehabilitation facilities nearly 20 times, and has even been homeless at times. He also told the Dopey podcast in 2018 that he once destroyed his family’s guest house while high on cocaine after his parents told him to leave.
Rob Reiner said making the film brought father and son closer together.
“It was the most satisfying experience I’ve ever had creatively. I had never experienced something like this before. I had no idea how emotional it would be to be a part of it. It brought us closer together.”
“It’s a cliché when they talk about something being cathartic, but at first we were very far apart emotionally, but as he started working on this and I started working with him, we each had to look at each other and get closer.”
The Reiners said they regret some of the harsh relationship tactics they used with their son.
In the film, parents fight over what is best for their son. Should I keep him at home or force him into rehab? While the film does address some of the issues of treatment costs, it does not delve into the many complex issues surrounding addiction that go beyond treatment decisions. Treatment is not always covered by insurance, and it is often difficult to know how effective a program is.
Sometimes we send a letter to a loved one simply as a wish or a promise that things will be better this time.
And you believe them when they say this time is different.
If only because you want it to be true.
Laura Trujillo is a national columnist focused on health and wellness. She is the author of “Stepping Back from the Ledge: A Daughter’s Search for Truth and Renewal” and can be reached at ltrujillo@usatoday.com.
