Kelly Roland, AJ McLean gush about his favorite Liam Payne memories
Kelly Rowland of Destiny’s Child Star and AJ McLean of the Backstreet Boys called Liam Payne of “Building the Band,” filmed a few weeks before his death, “joy.”
I was a very organized child. In the future, I have planned everything. I knew I would have two cats (I would), I knew I would become a writer (I), I knew I would marry Harry Styles (this is not on track, not on track).
This fantasy wasn’t different from many other young girls who were fascinated in one direction in the early 2010s.
My memories of the “Best Song Ever” music video drop, the first concert, and the exit of Zayn Malik from Zayn Malik’s band are far more prominent than most of my tween experiences. Memories of 15 years of members, products and music. Now I’m leaving behind a bittersweet embrace of long-lost childhood sadness that not everyone is here to celebrate it.
Four former members of the British boy band formed on 23rd July 2010 at X Factor have gone through the milestones without bandmate Liam Payne, who passed away in October 2024.
The end of a boy band that had consumed much of my mind for so long was devastating, as teenage emotions were unpredictable and often exaggerated. I felt like my world was over. A few years later, when I learned that Payne had died, my mind was broken by the man who had spent his formative years entertaining the world and the senses he had helped.
I wasn’t alone with that feeling.
Megan Otten, now 25, is 12 years old, so he runs a One Direction Fan account (@1D4President). She says she “fall in love” by refusing to follow the “silly”, straightforward nature of the band and the norm of a stereotypical boy band: choreographed dance. But, as she looks back on the 15 years since she began, Payne’s untimely death is heartfelt.
“I keep getting stuck in a loop of reminding myself, ‘You didn’t know him,'” she said. “There’s a lot of shame there and I feel like I’m overreacting.”
Sad someone you don’t know
I was sitting at my desk when I learned that Payne had died on October 16th. But it was real, and the young fan girl inside me was shocked and endured the collective sadness of a friend who spent her teenage years with a stranger and a friend who loved him and a chart topping group.
Parasite relationships were the fantasies of friendship with famous people, and the “director” was no exception to this phenomenon.
“It’s so weird to lament someone I’ve never met, but I grew up with him and spent 15 years looking up at him,” Otten said.
All five members were teenagers ranging from 16 to 18 when the band was formed. In a way, we saw them grow through our phones. At the same time, I was growing up too.
I was enduring adolescent trench as I was increasingly pinned to the bands, their music, and mostly young girls’ communities that felt the same as me. A world of mental health struggles, social tensions and terrifying middle-grade stress is worthy of a distraction, and that’s exactly what one way is.
Now, in my 20s, far from the cumbersome days of my tween, my way of grieving that time in my life and the man who shaped it appears:
For many who were fans a long time ago, saddening the loss of Payne and 15 spins of the band’s milestones feels like a milestone for us. Whether it feels like the death of our childhood or the rituals of the bittersweet passages in our journey of growth, I am grateful to have experienced such joys.
Sam Woodward is a Women’s Wellness Audience Fellow in USA Today’s coverage of youth mental health and nursing economy. This fellowship is funded by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editor input. You can contact her at swoodward@gannett.com.
