As childcare costs soar and offices reopen, women are paying the price.
Miya Walker, a mother of a 3-year-old in Georgia, said childcare costs and the obligation to return to work forced her to become a stay-at-home mom.
Frankie Acevedo’s 5-year-old son wants to be near him at all times, whether it’s in the kitchen, the backyard or even the bathroom.
Acevedo, 38, told her TikTok followers in a post about Velcro Kids that garnered nearly 3 million views and thousands of comments, many from other parents with similar experiences. The term comes from “Velcro Babies,” which therapist Elizabeth Shane described as “Velcro Babies,” which refers to infants who like constant touch and cry when they are put down.
“My kids sit outside the bathroom and ask me questions,” one commenter said.
“My daughter comes from the living room just to sit on the floor in my room. She doesn’t say anything, she just wants to be here with me,” another person wrote.
Acevedo and other millennial parents wouldn’t want it any other way. Acevedo said it’s probably the parents, not the kids, who are so obsessed. And for him, it’s a conscious choice to parent differently than how he was raised.
“Growing up, it wasn’t like that for me,” Acevedo told USA TODAY. “We spent most of our time outside or in our rooms and didn’t interact much with our parents. Everyone pretty much did their own thing.”
Although the term “Velcro parenting” is not as well-established as other parenting styles, such as lawnmower parenting, helicopter parenting, intensive parenting, gentle parenting, and free-range parenting, it has gained traction on social media. While it’s nice to know you’ve created a safe space and bonded with your child, experts say it’s also important for parents to set boundaries and take breaks for themselves.
Even parents who love being around their children can sometimes feel overwhelmed.
“Overstimulation is real,” Acevedo said. “This is what most parents experience. We’re tired, we don’t get a break, we don’t have a chance. But the reward is the best childhood for our kids.”
Millennial parents do things differently
Shane said parents these days are spending more quality time with their children and trying to connect with them instead of “just physically being there.”
“In parenting today, we’re seeing more emphasis on curiosity and trying to understand why children and children are the way they are,” Shane says. “And you can really enhance emotional intelligence and not just create rules and compliance.”
For some people, their approach to parenting centers around doing the opposite of what their parents have been doing.
“I have overcome adversity and am raising my family in a completely different way,” Acevedo said of overcoming a dysfunctional upbringing.
Why is my child so attached to me?
Babies learn early on that when they are distressed, their parents come and soothe them. This is essential for establishing a secure attachment and proper development, said Martha Edwards, director of the Center for Child and Family Development at the Ackerman Institute.
But babies also need to learn about boundaries in their first year of life. This happens when babies learn that crying ensures they get their parents’ attention. When parents say, “Hold on,” and immediately come to the baby, the child begins to understand patience.
If parents do not help their children develop this skill, children can become overly dependent. But all children are different, Edwards said, and some are naturally shy or dependent. In such cases, it is important for parents to encourage their children to explore situations outside their comfort zone so that they can grow.
In Acevedo’s experience, a close bond with his son had the opposite effect. “He’s far from shy.”
How parents of “Velcro kids” can get alone time
Parents need to have time for themselves. To do that safely and with the child’s best interests in mind, parents need to teach their children how to tolerate frustration.
Edwards said it’s important to communicate directly and lovingly with your child. Calmly tell them that mom or dad will be coming soon, but you need to go to the bathroom right now, or what you can do on your own. Let them know that once they are done with that task, you can do another activity together. It’s a good idea to define what the activity is so your child has an expectation of what will happen next.
It’s important to realize that clinginess isn’t permanent, Shane says. And when parents need help, they need to reach out to their partners and support systems. Some parents feel like they have to do things on their own, but “that’s not true.”
“We are humans and we have needs,” Shane said. “And we deserve and deserve support and assistance.”
Madeline Mitchell’s role covering women and the care economy for USA TODAY is supported by partnerships such as: extremely important and Journalism funding partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Contact Madeline at: memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ With X.
