Heather Gay explains why she calls Mormonism a cult
Heather Gay looks back on her Mormon upbringing and explains why she now believes Mormonism had cult-like influence.
A viral moment on TV is sparking a debate about when it’s okay to end a relationship.
Season 3 of Hulu’s “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” revealed that #MomTok creator Jesse Draper was having an affair with “Vanderpump Villa” star Marciano Brunette. However, the relationship happened while Draper said her marriage to husband Jordan Natikaula was “on hiatus.”
Draper, 33, told Elite Daily on November 14 that she and her husband were back together, but viewers asked on social media: “Does ‘on a break’ mean that Draper’s affair was okay?” Or did she cheat?
One fan said, “Before labeling Jesse as a fraud, you need to know what kind of ‘breakup’ they went through.”
Rest is nothing new. (Many people remember Ross and Rachel’s break on Friends, one of the most divisive TV shows of all time.) But there’s no universal definition of a break, explains Amanda Miller, a sociology professor at the University of Indianapolis. The parameters of a break are left up to the individual, paving the way for confusion and judgment from outsiders.
“It’s very difficult to try to make (rules) when things are already bad,” Miller said.
Is “taking a break” an excuse for cheating?
It’s common for couples to have trouble setting terms because a break isn’t a clarifying step in a relationship.
“There’s a good chance[both partners]think of ‘on vacation’ as two different things,” Miller says. While one partner may say they have no intention of dating anyone else, the other may take the opportunity to pursue another relationship. Either way, she says it’s important to agree to these rules and boundaries to prevent hurt and encourage growth.
“If you’re thinking about taking a break, there’s a good chance you’re already struggling with communication,” Miller says. “Anytime we deviate from the script, that’s when we need to communicate the most. We make the rules as we go along.”
Deborah Kerr, a sociology professor at Boston University, said when people interpret recess time differently, it’s easy to feel cheated.
“If a couple is on a break from each other and doesn’t believe they have the freedom to pursue other interests, that’s cheating,” Kerr said, adding that just because they agree to see other people doesn’t mean they’re uncomfortable with the reality that their partner is dating someone else. “Couples may agree…’Yes, you’re free to see other people,’ but one partner may still be deeply hurt.”
The plot of ‘Mormon Wives’ Season 3 gets even thicker as #MomTok’s friends try their best to help Draper and Ngatikaula get through the situation. But the break puts the couple’s friends in a “tough position,” Miller said. My friend doesn’t know the details of my marriage or love life. Therefore, your understanding of your friend’s arrangements and abilities is limited, and your advice is also limited.
If you’re thinking of taking a break…
Kerr says taking a break can be a good idea for people who have experienced trauma and need a break from it to heal. Or if a happy couple suddenly feels like they’ve reached a plateau.
If you’re considering a vacation, Kerr suggests agreeing on the length of the vacation, rules for when you’re with others, and specific goals while you’re away.
“They just need to be really clear about the terms of the annulment, otherwise the relationship will fall apart.”
