These women wanted to expand their families. They say the system won’t allow it.
Some women who would like to start a family choose not to do so due to financial constraints, lack of access to maternal health care, or other concerns.
Alicia Gress didn’t want to be a mother.
Some of her friends had children in their 30s, but she never felt that pull. She liked her autonomy and so did her partner.
But in the last year of her 30s, a troubling thought crept into her mind. What if she later regrets not having children? Should you try it now before it’s too late?
“I don’t want to look back and think, ‘Did I miss something big?'” Glez said. She consulted her partner and they hesitantly began trying to have a baby.
There’s no doubt that more women are becoming first-time mothers over the age of 40, whether to avoid future regrets, to wait to find the right partner, or to focus on career and financial security first. While birth rates are declining in the United States and around the world, birth rates among American women over 40 are rising. According to the latest data released in July 2025, from 2023 to 2024, the birth rate for women aged 15 to 34 declined, remained unchanged for women aged 35 to 39, and increased by 2% for women aged 40 to 44.
Emily Oster, an economics professor at Brown University and CEO of Parent Data, a parenting research forum, said the decline in U.S. birth rates “may not be as big as you think” because some women are waiting longer to start having children. Although the number of births in the United States may increase in the coming years, women who become first-time mothers in their 40s still face barriers, he said.
“If people wait for a very long time, they are less likely to be able to have as many children as they want,” Oster says.
When Glez went for her first mammogram, she felt something was wrong and asked to take a pregnancy test first. Later that day, she told her partner that she didn’t get a mammogram after all.
“He was like, ‘So why?'” I said, “You can’t have X-rays or imaging tests when you’re pregnant.” “I could hear his smile from ear to ear on the phone. He was so sweet.”
When she told her friends and family that she was pregnant at age 40, they didn’t believe her story because she showed no interest in children. Glez, 41, and her family live in Maine and are expecting their second baby.
“I (an obstetrician-gynecologist) say that if you’re going to have (another) baby, you don’t have to wait as long as a ‘normal’ person would,” she said. “Basically, because you’re getting older.”
“I’m worried that something will happen.” What are the risks of pregnancy at an older age?
Family planning is personal, and there are myriad reasons why more women are waiting to have children, said Dr. Laura Chahine, a reproductive endocrinologist at Ivy Fertility’s Pacific Northwest Fertility Clinic in Seattle. According to a 2022 study by the Institute for Family Studies, among women aged 18 to 55 who want to have more children, 44% cited not finding a suitable partner as a barrier, 36% cited affordability, and 25% cited lifestyle or career.
When Sarah Kaufman and her husband were young, working in academia and living far from their families, a lack of finances and support was a factor. Kaufman, 42, is 33 weeks pregnant and excited to become a first-time mother after nearly 18 years of marriage.
“For a long time, it was really just about income,” she says. “We both felt like we were chasing a dream, but we weren’t making much money.”
Once we were financially stable and closer to our families, we talked about having children again.
“We’ve done so much in our lives, what’s next?” Kaufman said. “That’s what ultimately made me decide to start a family.”
Chahine said she sees many women planning their pregnancies years, even 10 years in advance, trying to make “really considered decisions about when and how to start a family.” Some of them are concerned about the health risks associated with pregnancy at an older age. Glez told USA TODAY she is excited about her pregnancy. “But I was scared that something would happen.”
Chahine said that while it is common and possible for women to have children in their 40s, age affects fertility and the time it takes to conceive, including the risk of miscarriage.
“I think there’s a common assumption that anything can be overcome when it comes to infertility,” Chahine says.
Daniel Melfi, CEO of infertility advocacy group Resolve, said egg freezing and in vitro fertilization were important tools to help older mothers treat infertility. More women than ever are choosing to freeze their eggs, she said.
“Egg freezing is not a guarantee, but it can help women feel like they have more time to make these decisions,” Melfi said.
Melfi is one such woman.
“I personally made the decision to freeze my eggs in my early 30s because I knew I wasn’t ready to have children at this time,” she said. She didn’t have a partner at the time and was focused on her career. “We hear that story over and over again.”
Chahine said everyone is different and women should not make assumptions about their fertility based on the women in their families who became mothers before them.
“Our biggest advice is to talk to your doctor,” Melfi says.
Some women are waiting to become mothers. For others, “God’s timing” worked out that way.
Unlike Glez, Sherita Coaldes, 44, always wanted to have children. She was the family’s designated babysitter from an early age and said she always had a “love for children.”
As she got older, she realized that while she wanted to be a mother, she “didn’t want to be a statistic” and wanted to “do it the right way” by waiting until she was a little older and had a stable partner. She planned to have a child in her 30s.
But her 30s came and went and she never had a baby. She started dating her current husband in her mid-30s and they tried dating for several years, but they never got pregnant. She told herself that if she wasn’t pregnant by the time she turned 40, she wouldn’t be able to become a mother.
“To be honest, I felt like I didn’t have the patience to become a mother at 40,” she said. “And medically, we hear horror stories from mothers who have children at an older age.”
She wasn’t happy about not being able to be a mother, but she tried to convince herself that she could be a mother. Eventually, with a friend’s persuasion, I was able to eliminate my self-imposed deadline. In April 2023, it was discovered that she was pregnant with a son.
“It just happened naturally,” she said. “It was God’s timing.”
Coades said that after becoming pregnant, she no longer had any worries about being an elderly mother. She was just excited. Her mantra is, “If it’s meant to happen, it will happen.”
Through conversations with other mothers, she gained confidence in becoming a first-time mother in her 40s. Some people with children in their 20s and 30s say they should have waited.
“I know for myself that in my 40s I feel more financially, mentally and physically stable than when I was younger,” Coades said. She wonders if others are thinking, “Let’s make sure our lives are on track before we bring a child into this world.”
Starting a family ‘I didn’t even know I wanted’
Glez discovered she was pregnant eight days before Hurricane Helen, while living in Asheville, North Carolina. She said it was stressful to give birth while her area was reeling from hurricane damage.
Then, a week before her maternity leave ended, she learned she was being laid off. Her partner requested a transfer to Maine, which resulted in a significant raise.
“All of a sudden I found myself at home. I’m so happy right now because I get to be with (my son) all day every day,” she said. “So we used our disadvantage as an advantage.”
It was an adjustment, she said. Sometimes she misses being able to take a shower or go to the bathroom in peace, or go on a solo trip on a whim. And don’t even let her talk about the pain of childbirth or what the pregnancy did to her body. Still, Glez said he would try again.
“You only feel really miserable for a short time, and then you have the amazing family you never knew you wanted or needed,” she said. “And you were probably against it all your life.”
Madeline Mitchell’s role covering women and the care economy for USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Contact Madeline at: memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ With X.
