Editor’s Note: Kara Alaimo is an associate professor of communications at Fairleigh Dickinson University. Her book “About influenceWhy Social Media Is Toxic to Women and Girls – And How to Get It Back” was published in 2024 by Alcove Press. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Bluesky.
Many people try to limit the amount of time they spend on social media when they are with their kids. However, new research suggests that social media use can have a significant impact on interactions with children, even when adults are not looking at the screen.
Mothers who had a habit of spending more time on social media had more time than moms who had reduced their time on social networks, and when the difference was taken over when they weren’t using their devices, according to a study that developed Minds International Scientific Congress, published in D.C.
While previous studies focus on how children are affected when parents or guardians are on screen, the study examined the effects of cell phone use on parent-child interactions, even when parents were offline, said Liz Robinson, a doctoral student at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa and a lead author of the study.
Mothers who used social media spoke 29% less to their children while playing with their children without a cell phone compared to moms who use less social media. Moms in the low-used category used social media for an average of 21 minutes a day, while moms in the high-used category used social media for an average of 169 minutes a day.
A study by 65-year-old toddlers between the ages of 2 and 5 and mothers in Alabama found that using other screens, such as emails, weather checks and weather checks, was not associated with reducing conversations with children.
Robinson’s research has not yet been peer-reviewed or published in the journal, but it doesn’t surprise me. My own research says people often still think about what they see on social media, long after they log off. The mothers in this study were physically present in their children, but it is possible that their minds were elsewhere.
“In many cases, our minds can naturally wander into fun activities, and we know that social media is the experience for most people,” said Chris Perry, executive director of children and screens.
Perry, who was not involved in the research, pointed out that social networks exhibit tailored content that is very interesting for us, and that he “want to experience it for a longer period of time.”
Whatever the reason, children need to be mentally present when their parents play. Thankfully, there are things you can do to prevent social media use from interfering with parenting.
One of the most important things parents can do is always talk to their children.
Language of learning is a “major feature of optimal child development,” and “relies on children who express and receive language from birth to (age) 18,” Perry said.
She said greater exposure to language tends to improve children’s brain development, academic achievements, communication skills and language.
Robinson said the interactions between parents and children when they play are also important to their children’s social and emotional development, to help them develop their executive function and attention range and learn how to regulate their emotions.
Interacting with adults is also a way for children to learn what to prioritize. “Children are keenly aware of where their parents are looking,” Robinson said. “And they learn what’s important. So when our gaze is always heading towards our devices and towards our smartphones, we’re telling our kids what’s important in that moment.”
Therefore, parents need to make a conscious effort to be mentally present when interacting with their children. “Our attention is one of the best things we can give to our children,” Robinson said.
Robinson recommended that parents reserve certain amounts of time in the day to bring attention to their children and give them attention. It is also advice that you give when talking at parent groups or at school about how to handle your child’s social media use.
Of course, finding this time is not easy. “None of us, kids can be careful at all times, but thinking on a small scale is helpful,” Robinson said. “There are a lot of things today, but for the next 15 minutes, the child can pay attention to undivided attention.
When we are with our kids, we can remind us, “It’s not anywhere here, and now there’s no time in your child’s mind, but now there’s no time.” “So you have many other thoughts and many other priorities that are floating in your head. But we can distinguish them and make our attention completely present with the child who only knows this moment.”
Parents should also pay attention to how social media use affects them and their children, Perry said. “Be sure to understand what the effects of using social media are personally on you, and make sure you’re mitigating what those effects are when you interact with your kids.”
What is an easy way to do that? Limit the number of times you check in a week and the amount of time you spend on it each time.
“It reduces the time you’re on social media and prevents you from having to talk less carelessly,” Perry said. And of course, using less social media can also free up more time for parents to play with their kids.
Robinson said the biggest limitation of the study is that it is correlated. The authors were unable to establish whether social media makes parents more passive or if more passive parents are using social media. Furthermore, this study failed to explain factors such as parental mental health, income, and education.
I would also like to see this study replicated with my father. They should be responsible for playing with their children and for using social media responsibly.
Still, this study suggests that using social media can reduce conversations with children, which made me think. The next time I play with my daughter, I will check myself in to see if I’m talking to them and if my thoughts are elsewhere.
Even after scrolling, I am even more aware of how much the content I watch on social media is achieving in my head. I can also tell my kids about the changes I made as a result.
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