A 4-year-old in Brooklyn handed out paper hearts just to make strangers smile.
In Brooklyn, 4-year-old Adonis spent his school recess making paper hearts and handing them out to strangers in his community. Small actions have a big impact.
Brandon Dill, 31, had his eye on Silverwood even before the Southern California development was populated with homes. Located in the Inland Empire about 130 miles east of Los Angeles, the community promised affordable housing in one of the nation’s most expensive states, events that bring neighbors together, and access to beautiful parks and trails.
Dill convinced his wife, Kathy Koonslivon, to keep an eye on their growth as they prepared to become first-time parents. She approved it and Dill signed them up.
A document among the new housing documents gave them pause. It was the “Pledge of Kindness.”
“That’s interesting,” Kuhnsliving remembers thinking.
The pledge stated that Silverwood is “creating a place that feels familiar, like the small town that our parents and grandparents enjoyed growing up.”
“A place where everyone knows each other, where neighbors look out for each other and look out for each other, where they bring you a hot meal when you don’t know if you need it,” the pledge reads. “We know that if we care for each other, listen openly and consider each other’s needs, the strength of our community will reflect the strength of the desert around us.”
Now, Kuhnsliving and Dill say the pledge is a “bonus” of their new dream neighborhood.
In a world divided by politics and hateful rhetoric, fueling feuds between neighbors and even families, not to mention widespread loneliness among the nation’s young and old, places like Silverwood can feel surreal. Development is just beginning, with the first homeowners moving in this summer. But experts have reason to believe that communities built on kindness can have greater success, leading to happier, healthier residents who sleep better, feel less stressed, and even have better immune systems.
Psychologist Dale Atkins, author of “The Benefits of Kindness: Raising Caring and Connected Children,” says many Americans today don’t know their neighbors at all. She feels that people today are increasingly isolated and unsure of their purpose.
For Dill, especially as a new father, it’s important to be part of a community of like-minded people who are intentionally kind to each other. His son, Tobi, is 6 months old.
“People think kindness is a ‘nice to have’ if you have the time,” says Kelly Harding, Ph.D., psychiatrist, kindness scientist, and author of The Rabbit Effect: The Breakthrough Science of Kindness to Live Longer, Happier, and Healthier.
“But the truth is, kindness is essential to our community and our health and well-being,” Harding said.
being kind is good for you
Atkins said that while the Pledge of Kindness is primarily seen in schools, he is certain that some other educational institutions have also undertaken kindness initiatives in the past. Former Anaheim, Calif., mayor Tom Tate founded the City of Kindness initiative in 2017, according to the Orange County Register. Tate’s emphasis on kindness was enough to persuade His Holiness the Dalai Lama to visit.
Professor Atkins has seen schools that engage in kindness initiatives see lower stress levels, increased happiness, increased collaboration and more acts of kindness because “one kind act begets another kind act.” She suspects that residents of communities who take vows of kindness may become more engaged, empathetic, and more careful about what they say to each other.
Business consultant Linda Cohen has found that when companies focus on fostering a kind and empathetic work culture, they reduce turnover and increase employee happiness.
Mr Harding said there was a “mountain of data” showing that people were healthier in supportive and kind communities.
One of the most famous kindness studies is from Roseto, Pennsylvania. Harding said internist Dr. Stewart Wolf attended a medical conference in the early 1960s and met a researcher who had discovered a small town in Pennsylvania where no one under the age of 55 died from a heart attack. Wolf sends a research team to survey the town’s residents, weighing, measuring, and taking blood samples, and discovers that the only difference in Roseto compared to neighboring towns is that the people are especially kind to each other.
“They[researchers]thought about how they were welcomed into Roseto, how the people there looked out for each other, how neighbors ate together, how neighbors supported each other when someone was in a difficult situation,” Harding said. “Ultimately, it was kindness and a sense of community that kept Roseto healthy.”
In a way, Harding said, Silverwood begs the question: “Can we create a modern rosette?”
“We’re not trying to force it.” There’s no such thing as a “kindness police.”
Initially, Silverwood developer John Ohanian wanted to create a friendly contract. But his lawyer told him that wasn’t possible.
Additionally, Ohanian told USA TODAY that he wants to be nice to people. So he decided instead to take a pledge that he described as ambitious. “We’re not trying to force it,” he said. Those who don’t abide by this pledge “just don’t get the experience of living there that they could have. It’s not as fulfilling an experience, it’s not as positive.”
There is no such thing as a “kind police”.
Among other commitments, residents pledge to:
- Foster empathy, acceptance, tolerance, and cooperation.
- Get involved and make a positive impact.
- Avoid using hurtful or divisive language.
- We actively listen to all perspectives and do what’s best for our community.
- Before you speak or post, make sure their words are kind, necessary, and true.
“We just hope this creates more connections,” Ohanian said. He also hopes Silverwood’s affordability (house prices range from $400,000 to $800,000, according to the website) will deter young families from leaving California. Silverwood is currently home to about 80 homes, and developers hope this will increase to 300 next year. Ohanian said the site has room for 15,000 families.
Dill’s family has only lived in Silverwood for three weeks. But he said it already feels different than anywhere else he’s lived. Kuhnsliving said her neighbors quickly introduced themselves. “I felt at home right away.”
“On the day I moved in, I was invited to a birthday party for someone I had never met before,” Dill said.
How to find and create a hospitable community without moving to California
Harding said everyone has the ability to be kind. “But when we’re in a hurry, we often forget.”
People tend to be kinder when they are reminded of kindness and when they publicly display that kindness, she said. That’s why she thinks Silverwood’s Kindness Pledge is such a good idea.
The spirit behind this pledge is spot on, Kuensliving said. Now, at the back of her mind is always the need to be kind and welcoming to everyone around her.
“It makes yourself feel good, it makes others feel good, and it just spirals,” she said.
But you don’t have to move to Silverwood to have a welcoming community, Atkins said. And you don’t have to make a big show of generosity to show kindness. “Start small and take it slow,” Harding said. Pausing our busy lives makes room for kindness.
Pick up trash, check on your neighbors and call or send a thank you note to a friend, Harding said. Cohen suggests stopping by a lemonade stand, preparing snacks for postmen and delivery workers, planning a neighborhood barbecue, or building a gratitude tree where people can write down what they’re grateful for, like two of her neighbors have done.
“Simple things like making eye contact and saying hello to your neighbors can increase your sense of safety and trust in your neighborhood,” Harding says. “That’s pretty remarkable.”
Madeline Mitchell’s role covering women and the care economy for USA TODAY is supported by partnerships such as: extremely important and Journalism funding partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Contact Madeline at: memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ With X.
