Money vs. Love: Americans reveal what really matters in relationships
Unemployment and single? A third won’t date anyone without a paycheck.
Money vs. Love – Like many Americans, USA Today readers oppose what is more important in relationships.
A recent Tawkify survey found that Americans’ answers rely on the phraseology of questions. More than six in ten people surveyed said they would marry for love, even if it meant a lifelong financial struggle. However, if they were forced to decide between love and money, 46% said they would choose the latter, and one in three said they would consider returning if the person became wealthy.
We asked USA Today readers what they thought of the old-fashioned debate. Of those who responded to our informal survey, 53% said love was more important.
“Love was important”
When Dean Flanders, 73, of Utah, met his wife, he quickly “falls in love with her and wraps his head around his heels.” The pair have been married for 46 years.
“Love was the most important thing,” Flanders said. “We realised that along the way. We changed roles. She was in charge of all the money at first, and then I took over it.”
Flanders said they would never adhere to a strict budget, but they also have never spent more than they have won. Along the way, they set aside money for retirement and their children’s college tuition fees.
The Secret of Flanders’ Long Marriage: “It’s important to talk,” he said. He also advised young couples to prepare themselves to live without much money, but he used the resources of both people to “do good things” they could offer to each other.
He said he and his wife were “kind of polar opposites,” but they always came to compromise.
“We’re like two rough stones put together,” Flanders said. “We’ve now smoothed out each other to the point that we’re just one solid, cohesive mountain.”
“I’m financially wealthy and it’s all from me.”
For Karen Jones, 74, of Michigan, mental and financial health is paramount to relationships.
“I was married for love for the first time and got into a really bad relationship,” Jones said. As a housewife, she felt that the dynamics of her husband and husband’s husband were “controlled” and “despicable.”
They divorced, she took sole custody of their two children, and she went to university to become an occupational therapist. She met her second husband while working for her salary.
“He gave me more financial freedom,” Jones said. “And I bought it.”
However, when the couple returned from their honeymoon, Jones learns that her new husband had been diagnosed with cancer. She served as his caregiver until he died.
Today Jones is single, She is financially independent and lives in a home she owns in a garden that she proudly tends to.
“I’m financially wealthy and it’s all from me,” Jones said. “I want women who feel bound by marriage to urge them to jump into that void and land in a good place. That can happen. So I’m an example.”
‘Both are important. But more marriages fail with money.”
Florida’s Stephen Calm, 72, and his wife celebrate their 50sth Wedding anniversary in October. But he said that if they were against the money they might not have accompanied 50 years.
“Both are important, but more marriages fail with money than other issues,” Callum said. “Love is a choice, not an emotion.”
They were not always wealthy, but he said he brings in six figures each year before retiring. Through their marriage, both were happy to live in their means, so they were able to put money aside for what was important and save the future.
“The couple had more than us, but they used it, so they retired much less,” Callum said. “You have to find a compatible partner… if I had been married to Spender, I would have come in Jesus’ moments and there was adjustment, or we would have been separated.”
Callum will advise the date that they remember that they can’t change someone.
“If being poor is for the way you were born, then luck, discipline, planning can overcome,” he said. “But if it’s because of a lack of self-control, they won’t pull you down with them until the person wants to change. They’ll run away from them.”
Reach Rachel Barber at rbarber@usatoday.com Follow her at x @rachelbarber_
