Experts will impress your first date and provide tips to save money
Relationship expert Dr. Ramani explains how to reduce the amount of troublesome pauses and design the first date where both of you will remain involved.
The median annual salary in the US is around $62,192, but Americans expect an average ideal partner to win six figures, a new survey has found.
A Tawkify study of 1,000 Americans shows that women on average want to make $110,000 in their ideal partner, while men expect to make $90,000. A quarter of respondents say that an ideal partner should earn more than $150,000. That alone isn’t enough for one in ten people who offer $250,000 and one in 20 people who are seeking more than $500,000.
Some responses were inconsistent. Over six out of ten Americans surveyed (63%) said they would marry for love, even if it meant a lifelong financial struggle.. However, if they were forced to decide between love and money, 46% said they would choose the latter. In fact, one in three people said they would consider returning if the person became wealthy.
People who are unemployed in the rough job market may find themselves in more trouble with their love lives. Almost half of Americans have taken the lyrics to TLC’s 1999 hit “The North Club” in mind. 48% report that they don’t date anyone without work, even if they are attracted to them.
Brie Temple, the Chief Commercial Officer and Chief Matchmaker at Tawkify, said that clients at matchmaking companies want to date people who add to their lives, not people who are financially dependent.
“In particular, women say, ‘I’m not interested in being a nurse or a wallet’, especially if they’re dealing with old demographics,” Temple said.
Deal breaker
Though it’s not the main cause, money issues are one of the reasons couples get divorced. But on the other hand, in some cases, money is the reason people are together. Approximately 69% of Tawkify surveyed said they were maintaining the relationship for longer than they wanted for shared finances.
Singles may be quicker to cut someone off due to bad money habits. Another survey of 2,000 Americans conducted by Talker Research on behalf of Chimes found that 26% of people say that intolerance or stingy in the date gives them a “financial quick.” At the same time, a third said that they will be postponed by partners who are living beyond their means.
Jason Tartick, a banker and host of the podcast Trading Secrets, said spending is no longer “cool.”
“In this dating environment, it’s beyond refreshment because it allows for a little more openness,” said Tartick, who is also a season 14 contestant for The Bachelorette. “I don’t think openness is what actually creates connections, and is just a fantasy, but a façade.”
For certified financial therapists Tartick and Dr. Traci Williams, romantic partners willing to talk about finances are, if not trade breakers, the red flag of relationships. Williams added that being reckless with a partner or money who has a lot of debt without a repayment plan could also be a source of concern.
“It is possible for a couple to be together if the couple doesn’t have the exact same value. But can you agree and can you work together?” Williams said. “If one person likes to save and one person likes to spend, yes, you can spend, but are we saving for our future?”
Generation change
Another study of 1,069 adults by Bank of America shows that financial responsibility is particularly attractive to Generation Z members.
Most Gen Zers have found ways to date without spending money, with 53% of men and 54% of women reporting that they spend $0 per month on romance. A quarter of Gen Z Men and 30% of Gen Z Women said they spend less than $100 a month on dates.
If Gen Z spends money on dates, they are more open to splitting the bill than older generations. Talker Research/Chime Survey believes that 45% of Gen Xers and 42% of baby boomers should pick up tabs, while only 36% of Gen Zers agreed.
Overall, 39% of men said they felt pressured to appear more financially stable than theirs. At 47%, almost half think men should cover all the costs of the date, compared to only about a third of women.
“It appeals to me to see people’s conversations online,” Williams said. “People say regularly, ‘I want someone who pays everyone to take you on a trip, and here and everywhere,’ and in reality, when people are actually dating, they tend to be a little more flexible. ”
When love and money questions are asked differently, 58% of women are more likely to choose a “broken, magical” relationship around financial security, compared to 51% of men, according to a Tawkify study.
Classified by age group, Gen Z is the generation that is the second most likely to spend money on choosing after millennials. More than half of both groups said they chose a “broken, magical” relationship. Only 46% of Gen Xers and 48% of baby boomers reported the same.
When and how to talk about money
A study by Talker Research/Chime found that half of General Zers and Millennials said they were attractive when someone earns up front about their income, compared to only 23% of the baby boomer generation. But I also discovered that money is one of the biggest sources of stress on dating.
To alleviate some of that anxiety, Temple recommends couples talk about money early and often in their relationship. Williams suggests that if the couple live together or are in a serious relationship, they set up a specific time to chat once a week or once every few weeks or over the course of a few weeks.
For those struggling to broach subjects, Williams said it’s the place to even begin talking to your partner about the price of eggs.
“The reality is that life is very expensive, so it’s easy to get along,” he said. “Instead of creating tension in the finances by not having a conversation, we can actually create vulnerabilities by connecting through relevance.”
If your partner shares financial information, you should avoid using Tartick against them.
“When we say money, everyone is very protected… we are afraid of embarrassment and blame,” he said. “I can hear someone joking at the dinner table saying, “Yeah, my wife and husband have Amazon packages every day.”
Financial questions couples should discuss
Tartick suggests asking the following questions to learn about someone’s financial value while having fun with money conversations:
- If you win $1 million and have to spend 24 hours, what would you spend on?
- What do you know you’re using too much? But will you continue doing that anyway?
- What is your dream income?
Temple recommends asking:
- What was your biggest splurge purchase you made? What is the reason?
- When I say “financial freedom,” what does it nurture for you?
- Growing up, how did your parents and guardians talk about money?
Williams also suggests setting clear expectations about who will pay for plans and dates early in the relationship. If money is tough, she recommends taking advantage of budget-friendly ideas, including nights of games, or free museum days.
Taltic said it was time for couples to get real about numbers when they were thinking about moving or getting married together. He said they should ask each other about their credit scores, number of financial accounts, annual expenses, salary, liability for income, net worth, overall risk tolerance, and target retirement age.
“If these are numbers, why aren’t we talking to our partners if the bank is considering determining whether they can get a mortgage or loan to launch the company?” he said.
Reach Rachel Barber at rbarber@usatoday.com Follow her at x @rachelbarber_
