Mary Cosby’s son Robert Cosby Jr. dies at age 23
Robert Cosby Jr., son of “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” star Mary Cosby, has died at the age of 23. Andy Cohen and others paid tribute.
On Sunday, February 23rd, two notable people suffered devastating losses. Actor and comedian Martin Short’s 42-year-old daughter Katherine has died by suicide. Robert Cosby Jr., 23, the son of “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” star Mary Cosby, also died. His cause of death has not yet been confirmed, but Salt Lake City police said authorities responded to a call of an overdose.
Jessica Stacey, a licensed grief therapist, says grief can look different for each loss and individual depending on relationships, cultural background, past losses, and the circumstances of the loss. But when a parent loses an adult child, the grief can be “disorienting” because it “disturbs the expected flow of life,” Stacey said.
She explains that many parents have an implicit belief that they will die before their children.
“When that story is shattered, it can create not only deep sadness but also existential disorientation and a feeling that the world no longer makes sense,” Stacey says.
The unconventional grief of loss through suicide or overdose
When someone dies by suicide or overdose, grieving can be “caught up in stigma,” says Gina Moffa, a grief therapist and author of “Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go.”
Loved ones may also be left scrambling to look for signs they missed or asking themselves if they could have done more to prevent the loss. Suicide is preventable through education and public health interventions, but no one is responsible for the losses caused by suicide.
“This kind of grief can make you feel isolated because other people don’t know what to say or say the wrong thing,” Moffa says. “If grief is not returned with compassion, it can turn into introverted depression over time.”
Stacey says parents who lose an adult child can also experience complex feelings of guilt and self-questioning. You may remember past decisions or regret unresolved tensions in your relationship. Additionally, because the child was an independent adult, others may be able to minimize the loss (“at least he wasn’t a young child” or “at least they had more time together”), which could leave parents feeling “isolated or unseen in their pain,” Stacey says.
Resources are available for families of suicide deaths. Mental health organizations like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provide referrals to clinicians trained in suicide and bereavement and support groups for people who have lost a loved one to suicide.
Grief is something that becomes “integrated into life” over time.
Mofa says the first step to overcoming grief is to stop trying to overcome it. This is to make it move in waves rather than in a straight line.
“Grief needs safety and witness, but it doesn’t need repair. Grief needs a name. It wants to be located and felt in the body,” she says. “It asks questions like, ‘What exactly was lost? What did this person mean to me? What part of me was present in front of them?'”
Stacey advises her clients to “leave space for all their emotions without judgment” and to lean on their support networks, whether it’s friends, family or professional support.
Grief is also physiological, Moffa said. Grief can manifest as physical symptoms such as brain fog, memory loss, an upset stomach, and fatigue. Getting enough sleep, eating well, staying hydrated, exercising, and getting sunlight are all important to maintaining your nervous system and physical health while grieving.
Ultimately, both Stacey and Moffa say, grief is something you don’t just “get over,” but rather “integrate” into your life over time.
“We carry the loss with us and continue to live each moment,” Moffa said. “Rather than pushing the loss away or ‘moving on,’ we begin to live with it.”
If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call 988 or chat online at any time of the day or night. The Crisis Text Line also provides free 24/7 confidential support via text message when people in crisis dial 741741.
