Johnny C. Taylor Jr. answers workplace questions every week on USA TODAY. Taylor is president and CEO of SHRM, the world’s largest human resources professional organization, and author of Reset: A Leader’s Guide to Work in an Age of Upheaval.
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Question: One of my mentors told me that it’s hard for them to take me seriously because I’m “so sweet and laugh a lot.” How can we change this perception without changing ourselves? – Maria
Answer: Let’s start with the obvious. Comments like this often fall squarely into the realm of gender stereotypes, and those stereotypes have no room to function. Being called “too nice” or being rejected because of your smile says more about the speaker’s bias than your ability. If a comment like this crosses a line or appears to be rooted in sexism, HR or upper management should get involved.
Now, here’s where things get even more complicated. Whether you like it or not, recognition is important at work. Most people don’t, and shouldn’t, bring their completely authentic selves to every professional setting. The workplace requires good judgment, the ability to read the situation, and the atmosphere. It’s not a sellout. That’s professionalism.
The key question here is whether the comment is feedback that should be taken into account, or just a careless remark that should be ignored. Constructive feedback comes with specifics and a way forward. Prejudice is disguised as an opinion, with no guidance or intent to help. Your job is to separate the signal from the noise. If something helps improve performance, find it and discard the rest.
It’s important to recognize that there is a meaningful difference between being friendly and being unserious. Our strengths are our smiles, warmth, and friendliness. If you laugh during meetings, avoid difficult conversations, or don’t project confidence, your credibility can suffer. You need to assess whether any of these are the case, or whether someone is simply projecting unreasonable expectations. If you’re unsure, a close colleague or mentor may be able to provide an unbiased perspective.
The reality is that every professional develops a work persona. You’re already doing this, whether you realize it or not. You speak to your boss differently than you would speak to your closest colleague. You look more polished at a meeting than you do at lunch with friends. Picture yourself in a job interview. Be yourself now and be more intentional.
That means knowing when humor is appropriate and when gravity works for you. It means choosing when to be playful and when to be firm. It does not mean depriving yourself of warmth or changing yourself.
Without a doubt, gender stereotypes should not be accepted, but challenged. At the same time, career growth involves foresight: determining what feedback sharpens you and what’s in your rearview mirror. And remember this too. What other people think of you often says more about them than it does about you.
My advice: Be professional. Please be aware. Be strategic. Let’s be clear about this point. You don’t have to be less “sweet” to be taken seriously.
The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of USA TODAY.
