West Hollywood Pride Parade kicks off in a colorful way
West Hollywood hosted its annual Pride Parade in a vibrant way.
Matt Tolbert and her husband Joshua Gonzalez knew they wanted children for at least 10 years.
The New York Trinity began researching surrogacy and adoption and decided it would cost more than $100,000.
“We really didn’t know how we were going to get there,” Tolbert, 36, says on a Zoom Call.
However, as they jumped into the process, they quickly discovered that the costs of surrogacy in the US increased. The estimates vary, but the cost could be as high as the $100,000 you planned.
This is a common story among LGBTQ+ people who want to raise their families but face a healthcare system built for heterosexual couples.
Decades of technological advancements have improved fertility treatment, but little has changed to better dealing with gay, trans, or non-binary couples, said Malea Goodman, a pregnant midwife and pregnant founder, a virtual community for queer and solo parents.
“The history of fertility treatment is based on a lot of heterosexuality,” they said. “The same tactics they use on heterosexuals who are trying to conceive but can’t at home are not appropriate for LGBTQ people or solo parents who are accessing those same services.”
Tolbert and Gonzales face what many LGBTQ+ couples do. The fact that insurance doesn’t cover your infertility journey.
Until recently, most insurers followed the American Association of Reproductive Medicine’s definition of fertility. This defined infertility as a condition in which a heterosexual couple failed to conceive after one year of unprotected sexual intercourse.
“If you’re a gay couple, you may not be infertile, or you may be, but that’s not why you’re going to experience fertile treatment,” added Tolbert.
In October 2023, the organization expanded its definition to include all patients who require intervention.
According to the KFF database, around 20 states have laws requiring private insurance companies to cover fertility treatments. However, only Colorado, Illinois, Maine and Washington, DC explicitly include LGBTQ+ people. The new California law, which comes into effect in July 2025, requires IVF coverage and expands the definition of infertility to include LGBTQ+ people.
Applies only to large companies with 100 or more employees. Still, it’s a step in the right direction, said Dr. Mickey Coffler, a reproductive endocrinologist at HRC Fertility, a California network of fertility treatments.
“We are responsible for being the person responsible for educating patients and doing their best to make patients aware of their rights because this new state bill is very innovative and very useful,” he said.
Between July 2024 and February 2025, Tolbert and Gonzales were fertile and tested for sexually transmitted diseases ($652). I flew to Mexico and made semen deposits ($2,380). We chose egg donors with enough frozen eggs for the two IVF journeys. And then we moved the embryos. Today, one of the couple’s proxy is 18 weeks and the other nine weeks. Tolbert and Gonzales used the same egg donor, so the child became half-siblings.
Agents, donors, agents and other medical expenses tallyed $118,295, spending $143,538 overall, adding the expected $78,028 for a total of $221,566.
A limited supply of egg and sperm donors, as well as surrogates, have partially driven rising costs for LGBTQ+ people, Coffler said. American families are also competing with international families seeking similar services in the US
“The rising costs are a major barrier to these patients being able to afford these services,” he said.
Despite the increased costs, Tolbert and Gonzales are excited to build a family. In the meantime, they aim to showcase their journey and educate their followers along the way.
“We share this for transparency, not sympathy,” Tolbert said in a recent Tiktok video, “And for those exploring similar paths and exploring real-world examples. Every journey is unique, costs vary widely, but knowledge is power.”
Adrianna Rodriguez can visit adrodriguez@usatoday.com.
