When tragedy falls into the news – natural disasters, plane crashes, fires – parents respond by responding naturally by thinking about what will happen to their children. And the children turn to worry about what will happen to them.
The flash flood that killed more than 100 people last week along the Guadalupe River in central Texas, bringing a family nightmare to life, including dozens of campers and counselors at Camp Mystic. Every summer, the children have their parents bid farewell to the camp. Both sides are filled with anxiety about the meaning of children leaving their homes and their families.
These normal concerns are amplified by news from Texas, so what should parents and children do?
Children planning to camp should go camping, even if they find it difficult, said Dr. Gale Salz, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at Weil Cornell Medical College’s New York Presbyterian Hospital. “If we don’t act in anxious, it tends to limit us even more and actually make us more anxious.”
Though fear is understandable, it is important to recognize when it is irrational and unnecessary limitations. The devastation at Camp Mystic is particularly painful as summer camps are places people have chosen to go to and often retain their favorite memories.
The nature of overnight camping removes the sense of control that many parents feel when their children are at home. “It’s a transition to something new and different. It evokes separation anxiety for both parents and children, even for older children,” Salz said.
Looking at the tragedy of unfolding on this scale, it can trigger what Saltz calls “irrational and catastrophic fear” and a deep feeling of helplessness.
No matter how unprecedented the incident may be, hearing it makes you feel like it’s likely to happen again. “It’s important to remember that it’s oddly rare.”
The fatal flood occurred after drought conditions and heavy rain. This is another example of extreme weather events that are becoming more frequent amid rising global temperatures.
“It adds this element of helplessness, the same kind of helplessness that a lot of people feel about guns and school shootings,” Salz said. “And the feeling of being stuck increases the feeling of uncontrolled, painful and helplessness.”
Bob Ditter, a clinical social worker at the American Camp Association, said Camp Mystic Alumni’s story has been around for nearly 100 years and reflects where people are safe and feel a strong sense of belonging.
“The reason this resonates with so many people is that the fairies of driving us out of our safe and happy spaces are unimaginable,” he said.
Dr. Leslie Paris, an associate professor at the University of British Columbia who studies childhood in America, said the camp has historically been treated as a safe haven for crime and illness. They also encourage tradition and nostalgia, attracting generations of parents. “I want to provide similar opportunities to my children.”
Going to camp was never completely safe. Fatal owner deaths, illness outbreaks, and lightning strikes have been happening for generations, but have driven out campers so widely or often.
“The scale of the tragedy at Camp Mystic is particularly important,” Paris said. “I think we’re collectively shocked because these are so deeply broken down and fundamentally wrong.”
Parents and caregivers must acknowledge their fears, but they must resist the temptation to avoid anxiety and discomfort. They can do due diligence on safety, such as asking camps about emergency plans and how to communicate with children.
But they need to accept that there is always some degree of uncertainty. Parents who acknowledge and tolerate uncertainty as a model for children, Salz said.
“You’re working as a family. If you can’t tolerate any risks at all, there are millions of things in life,” Salz said. “You can’t cross the street, you can’t fly to a holiday. Everything has a slight (of uncertainty), so it’s important to resilience, experience, manage new tasks, and make it acceptable.”
For parents with uneasy children, Salz suggests removing news from family discussions and letters to camp.
“There’s no reason why kids in a Vermont camp are hearing about this camp in Texas,” she said. “In the pre-internet era when camps were around, they didn’t have it.”
Still, the words spread. And when it does, “The most important thing is to point out how unusual it is to tell them that they can absolutely talk to you about it,” Salz said. “They can ask you any questions. You may not know the answer, but you try to find them for them.”
“Parents said they need to emphasize that there is a difference in what happened to someone else that resonates with us, but that is a difference in what hasn’t happened to us,” a Ditter from the American Camp Association said.
Salz emphasizes that neither parents nor children should be immersed in the news.
“I advise parents who have learned about stories to avoid continuing to watch news stories over and over again,” she said. “There’s no profit, but there’s a repetitive trigger.”
Even if they feel uncomfortable, children with mild anxiety disorders, mood issues, or separation anxiety still benefit from taking risks and developing away from the normal home routine.
But sleepway camps may not be the case for everyone, including children who have experienced panic, mood disorders, phobia, or recent tragedy or trauma.
“If you send them to places they can’t get medical treatment, you could do harm to them,” Salz said.
