Madison Campbell had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and had an idea.
The 30-year-old tech company CEO had never used dating apps much. She said their last relationship was when they were back in college, long before they broke up last year.
With no prospects of returning to online dating, she asked a friend (known on X as “Murray Hill Guy”) to create and run an account for her on the popular dating app Hinge.
The idea seemed like a win-win. He was able to find her the perfect match and in the process gained insight into what it’s like to be a Hinge woman. Her expectations were low, but she was interested to see how it would play out.
“What we really wanted to know is, what happens when you download it?” Campbell said. “What will my experience be like, even in the first 24 hours? And what will the man feel from a man’s perspective as well?”
What happened next surprised us both. Madison’s profile received 1,500 to 2,000 likes in 48 hours. Her friend documented her experience as a girlfriend on Hinge on X, which went viral, garnering millions of views and sparking a massive online discussion about the various challenges men and women face when dating online.
It’s true that men and women have vastly different experiences on dating apps, says Amy Cheung, a dating expert and author of Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts, due out in April 2026. However, what they have in common is that they both often leave users feeling frustrated and dissatisfied when they leave the app.
“For a lot of men, it’s a defeat when you’re competing to get a date and you keep getting rejected or the dates don’t go well,” Chan says. “Women are inundated with messages, and in some cases, it’s easy to copy and paste messages. You have to be really good at defending yourself to weed out the people who don’t try hard enough or are weirdos.”
Her male friend ran her Hinge account. It started a viral conversation.
Regarding X, Campbell’s friends said they were overwhelmed by the number of inquiries. She said the notifications were almost constant, and she often had to reject men in the first place to keep up with the endless stream of suitors.
Many at X called the experiment an eye-opener, with one person writing, “You’re doing God’s work here.” “Most people don’t understand what’s going on on the other side.”
What also stood out was how boring most of the messages were. In some cases, it was clear that the men didn’t even bother reading Ms. Campbell’s profile. For example, Campbell doesn’t drink alcohol – it’s clearly stated in her profile. However, this was forgotten by many men who asked her out on a date.
“It’s always like, ‘Hey, when are you going to go get drinks?'” Campbell says. “And I know they sent it to like 15 people. I mean, it really makes you feel like you’re a nobody.”
Still, the experiment also gave her empathy for men. After all, she says, dating apps are basically a numbers game, so why bother coming up with a personalized message for each person?
“I kind of feel bad for them, because in a way, is it their fault that they’re saying this? Probably not,” she says. “They’re probably feeling like, ‘Given the fact that I’m getting 1,000 (or) 2,000 messages, why should I put any effort or energy into that particular person?'”
The truth about male and female matching app experiences
Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men, says the experiment proves that too many people are frustrated with dating apps. For men, this frustration stems from being ignored in a sea of competition. For women, it’s because they’re bombarded with vulgar or low-effort messages.
Anderson added that in her dating master class, she shows men screen recordings of Tinder profiles from years ago so they can see how many messages women often receive. She says this is an eye-opener because so many men are used to fewer matches from their side.
Still, Anderson doesn’t think dating apps are a “complete dead end.” That means men need to put a lot of effort into their profile if they want to stand out.
Chan recommends daters have at least three “lead generation” methods when finding a date. Dating apps can be one of them, she says. But the other two shouldn’t be. For those people, she suggests considering places where you can take the time to get to know people, such as your own club, faith community, or professional association.
“Attractiveness on the app is primarily driven by what I call ‘glorious qualities,’ such as height, status markers, physical attractiveness, and lifestyle cues,” Chan says. “The very way these apps are designed allows us to shop as if we were browsing a catalog. These features are very noticeable and can be easily compared in a swipe environment.”
