As part of USA TODAY’s series, Johnny C. Taylor Jr. tackles human resources questions. Taylor is president and CEO of the Society for Human Resource Management, the world’s largest association of HR professionals, and author of Reset: A Leader’s Guide to Work in an Age of Upheaval.
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question: I recently ended a relationship with a co-worker I was dating. In accordance with company policy, we had disclosed that relationship to our employer. We are both recognized as excellent performers at work, but I got a promotion right after we broke up and he didn’t. Since then, I have avoided rumors of favoritism from those around him. Can being transparent about romantic relationships with colleagues really remove perceptions of bias? – Liz
answer: Here’s the truth about dating coworkers: Transparency helps, but it cannot eliminate recognition.
Even if you do everything right: clarify relationships, follow policies, and earn promotions fairly, people can still be biased. When a workplace romance becomes public, feelings can linger longer than facts, and rumors can spread faster than truth.
So what can you do? My honest opinion, although it may be unpopular, is: “Rise above the noise.” As my grandmother used to tell me, I don’t care what people think of me. That advice has taken me far. If you want to succeed in this world, you must develop a thick skin.
For those who are still grappling with it, here’s the down-to-earth reality. The only surefire way to avoid workplace romance drama is to not have a romance at work. It’s not judgment, it’s risk management. If you decide to date a coworker, keep your eyes open and carefully consider the potential ramifications.
If you move forward, be sure to follow your organization’s policies thoroughly. Employers should have clear guidelines for disclosure and relocation when reporting lines overlap. These rules protect both your employees and your organization.
We also advise managers to make their promotion and evaluation processes as transparent as possible. When people understand how decisions are made and that they are based on data rather than favoritism, they are less likely to question motives.
If the rumors persist, focus on what you can control: your actions and consistency.
◾We will carry out our work with integrity. There’s no doubt about it. Follow the rules and don’t cut corners.
◾Let the results speak for themselves. Strong and stable performance silences speculation better than any defense.
◾Set professional boundaries. Deal with gossip calmly and factually, without getting emotional.
◾Partner with your human resources department. Use HR as a guide, not a shield. These help protect everyone involved from bias and retaliation claims.
After all, dating a colleague is always complicated. Transparency is essential, but it is not immunity. You can’t control what other people say, but you can make your work, your fairness, and your professionalism louder than the word.
The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of USA TODAY.
