Gen Z and millennials are overkilled to maintain friendship. That costs them.
How many parents will help their millennials and generations of children with money?
Many parents still support adult children. How much financial support is really available in general?
Maria Stevens’ credit cards are part of her relying on them when she was fired, but I think she also has a hard time saying no to invite from friends.
After attending 30 social events over four years, she said she “crashed” in July after putting pressure on her to spend on social activities. In a month, she was invited to several more events, baby showers, weddings and singles trips, in addition to planning her own birthday party.
“It seems like I have to hide under the rock because there’s no way… I was very overwhelmed,” Stevens said. “And I was probably like I had to cut my relationships with some people in some way.”
Stevens, 25, is part of a generation that is often characterized by loneliness, and one reason may be the financial burden of friendship. Socialization remains important for Gen Z and millennials. 69% of those prioritize face-to-face relationships with friends at least every week. However, a new Ally Bank study shows that spending on social activities for three in five people impacts financial goals.
It discovers that overexpenditure is widespread and not an exception, and most young adults recognize that they do not effectively budget for social life.
How much money does young people spend socializing?
When Stevens got engaged in 2023, she and her current husband decided to stop going to the bar altogether, as they were spending $200 easily overnight – up to $400 if they too went to dinner in advance.
It’s closer to what the average young man socializes on the moon. Research shows that Z and millennials spend an average of around $250 each month on activities with friends.
Of the respondents, 72% said going to restaurants or bars is a way to spend time with friends, while 32% said they went weekly or more frequently.
Only 18% said they had a tight budget for activities with friends. 42% reported that social budgets cost money for several months a year, but 1 in 10 people say they spend an excess of monthly.
Alexia Heath, 24, estimates that she spends around $150 to $200 on social activities each month, but she is not sure of the exact figures as she does not closely track her spending.
“I know it’s irresponsible because I don’t want to ignore it and know it. I’m still making more money than I spend, so in my mind it’s not a priority to see where every penny goes,” Heath said. “There are times when I like to sit and wait a moment. There should be something like $10,000. Where is that?
After swearing an expensive night, Stephens is hosting instead. still, She said she spends around $100 each time she greets people for drinks and dinner, even after trimming her guest list.
“I can’t host a lot of people, and that could start because it’s selective about what the friends I have,” Stevens said. “On my birthday, I only had a small apartment so I could host only a third of my friends. That was really sad for me.”
Fallout of Friendship
But not all friends realize that you are choosing to save more than socialize. When Stevens began to concentrate more on her financial well-being, she refused an invitation to a bachelor party she couldn’t buy. She was then not invited to the wedding.
The Bachelorette Party took place on a cruise and the bride had to pay her share right after Stephens invited her. Stevens had just returned from her honeymoon and hadn’t been paid in three weeks, but she explained to a friend.
“She understood,” Stevens said. “But she was sending her wedding invitations and posting them on social media. I was like, ‘Oh, are you sending another round?” And she was like, ‘Oh, actually we had to reduce the number of people.’ ”
Stevens said they are no longer friends.
“Financially, I can’t do this for you,” if you say, they cut you off, it’s more about them than you,” Stevens said. “It makes friendship more clear.”
Such breaks are not uncommon. Five Gen Zers and one of the millennials surveyed said financial or lifestyle differences contributed to their dropouts with friends.
One post about Tiktok discusses the tax bracket being acquired from friendships that have been won by over 50,000 viewers.
“It’s crazy to think that we all live in a world where we are looking for meaningful friendships, but everyone feels very lonely at the same time,” the poster named Fiona Leona said in the video.
Finance and FOMO
Of those surveyed, 44% skipped major events due to costs, but this decision is often often overlooked.
Nearly a quarter of ZZ and millennials said they feel left out when they need to refuse an invitation for financial reasons.
One in five respondents said they had felt that their friends were not honest about money. Stevens said it was “undetectable offensive” to talk about finances, especially since much of her life is on social media.
“(My post) can be easily perceived as ‘She posts videos, so she makes all this money.’ Some of these videos may be years old or someone else is paying for it because it is sponsored,” she said.
Lindsay Sacknoff, director of Ally Bank’s consumer bank, said people will have to balance social and savings for a long time, but social media will add to the younger generation of FOMOs.
“I can feel what other people are doing and I’m missing something. It creates a little more stressful than the cost of creating that memory,” Sachnov said.
Men spend more, but less stress
Men socialise more money, while women think friendship is more economically tense.
Over the course of six months, the survey found that men spent an average of $1,775 with friends with men compared to $1,250 for women.
However, almost a third of women surveyed said social spending is hampering their savings, compared to 22% of men. A quarter of women said the money spent on socializing makes it more difficult to pay off credit card bills compared to 16% of men.
In 16%, twice as many women as men reported that they felt “overwhelmed” by their spending habits compared to their friends.
And, more than a third of the men surveyed said they found financial differences between them and their motivating friends, but one in three women reported worrying about them.
Saknov said there is one reason for this because women often lead in planning social activities for the whole family, which can add stress. Heath said greater anxiety among women may also have something to do with gender roles.
“Our society gives men a space to be confident, and with that, it creates bold spending because they are sure they will get a raise,” Heath said. “As girls, we may be making money, but we are still inherently worried.”
Socializing and preserving methods
About one in four of those surveyed said tariffs and inflation would make social spending more difficult and cut it, suggesting low-cost activities to friends.
For Heath, it means taking advantage of free mixers, run clubs, book clubs, libraries, museums and other events in her area.
For Stevens, it’s a walk around her friends and sports in a free recreation center, but she said that free activities are limited in places where she lives in North Carolina and access to them often depends on the weather.
Still, some people think that expensive activities are more enjoyable. Another Tiktok user posted a video saying that he could still go out, but could save more money, as he wanted fewer friends. It also got nearly 50,000 views.
“You can sit in your bed and go to your phone, but you don’t want to do that,” the user said. “I want to save money. I want to get food. I want to go to the movies. I have to pay parking on the beach. It’s rough here. Don’t get friends.”
Sacknoff stressed that socializing doesn’t have to be costly every time. She recommends having a more transparent conversation with your close circle about your financial goals.
“We never said these relationships aren’t important,” Sacknov said. “It’s very clear, but planning a little while ago can bring out the stress of putting that budget at risk. You still managed to take those great photos, have that moment and have those laughs with your friends.”
Reach Rachel Barber at rbarber@usatoday.com Follow her at x @rachelbarber_
