Scary dating terminology is all the rage and all daters need to be aware of it.
The term “Takayama divorce” is currently being talked about on the Internet. It happens when a couple goes on a date in nature, such as a hike, camping trip, or bike ride, and one person leaves the other in the wilderness to fend for themselves.
Experts say this is egregious abuse. And it’s not as rare as you think.
Psychotherapist Stephanie Serkis, who specializes in narcissistic abuse among other mental health issues, says that unfortunately some of her clients have experienced this. She says a “high altitude divorce” can be deeply traumatic and cause untold mental and physical pain.
“I’ve seen it a few times,” Serkis said. “For a lot of people, that’s the biggest fear: being in an environment where you can’t control what’s going on and being left behind somewhere. I think we all have a fear of abandonment to varying degrees. When you’re out in an area you don’t know and there’s wild animals and you can easily get lost, especially when there’s no signage, that’s a real fear for people.”
Why is everyone talking about the “Alpine divorce”?
The term likely originates from a short story by Robert Barr from the late 1800s called “An Alpine Divorce.” The story features a man who attempts to murder his wife while the two go hiking in the mountains.
The term “alpine divorce” has received new attention thanks to a recent viral TikTok in which a woman shares a video taken alone in nature. The video, which has been viewed more than 19 million times, includes the text, “POV: You go hiking in the mountains with him, but he leaves you alone and you realize he never liked you to begin with.”
The comments include people relating to her experience, as well as horrified and shocked reactions.
One person wrote: “My boyfriend did this to me.” “I found another hiker who told me how to get back, so I went home and blocked his number.”
“I was left alone in the woods once,” wrote another. “After he drove away, I had to walk back alone for two hours.”
“My friend was left alone by her partner on the trail, and now she’s hiking alone with her dog because she wants to be close to other women who have been through the same thing,” another woman wrote. “You are strong”
Serkis says an “Alpine divorce” can happen not only with someone you recently started dating, but also with someone you’ve been dating for a while. She says this is usually accompanied by other patterns of behavior that show your partner lacks empathy and care for you.
“It’s abandonment. People who do things like this usually lack empathy, and they may also show a lack of empathy in other areas, such as not caring about your needs, ignoring you, ridiculing you, telling you you’re not good enough, and forcing you to cater only to their needs,” says Serkis. “If you feel like someone lacks empathy, it’s probably in your best interest not to go hiking alone with them or engage in other strenuous activities that could be isolating.”
What should I do if I am worried about “high mountain divorce”?
Serkis says it’s common for people going through a “high-mountain divorce” to feel gaslighted or blamed by the person who left them. Often, abusive partners blame the other person for not having enough water, walking fast enough, or not having the proper gear and equipment.
This is gaslighting, plain and simple, Serkis says. Moreover, no one deserves to be abandoned by someone who is supposed to love them.
“People who lack empathy are eager to teach others a ‘lesson.’ They look for reasons to blame you, but because they have a short temper, they just walk away without thinking about your needs or whether they’re trying to abandon you,” Serkis says.
If you’re worried about a “high mountain divorce,” Serkis recommends making sure you always have a way to contact authorities in case of an emergency whenever you’re out in nature. If you’re hiking with someone you don’t know very well, make sure it’s a short trail not too far from civilization and that there are plenty of other people around.
And if you’ve ever experienced a “mountain divorce,” give yourself time and space to heal.
“I recommend seeing a therapist because that kind of abandonment can be really traumatic,” she says. “The bottom line is, this person did this act and is likely to do it again.”
