‘Moana’ proves Disney’s live-action remake machine needs a rethink

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Disney has no plans to stop producing live-action versions of the studio’s animated classics. However, unlike “Moana,” it has to be creatively necessary.

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Disney remakes of animated classics as live-action films are as certain as death and taxes. It’s the big blue Will Smith genie that can’t be put back in the bottle.

It’s time to accept this fact. Expect the occasional cool origin story prequel (“Cruella”) or a well-written retelling (“Cinderella”), and when it does something positive (“The Little Mermaid”), you’re fine. As long as it’s not completely unnecessary and the new version definitely justifies its existence in some way.

The new “Moana” misses that mark by a wide margin, with a little man in a coconut shooting a blowgun.

From Disney’s perspective, a very faithful remake of the original 2016 Oscar-nominated musical adventure is a smart, if not creatively interesting, move. It’s one of the most electric and exciting films in the entire animation canon, and the pairing of the powerful teenage Disney princess-but-not-princess wayfinder Moana (voiced by Auli’i Cravalho) and the macho trickster demigod Maui (Dwayne Johnson) is electrifying perfection.

It is an amazing adventure as they cross the ocean to deliver the heart of Te Fiti. It’s a big deal to see the live-action actors give it back. Johnson reprising her role is actually one of the saving graces of the new Moana, in which she teams up with Australian newcomer Katherine Lagaia. The film is painfully slow until around the 45-minute mark, when Maui lets loose with his signature song-and-dance number, “You’re Welcome.” Ironically, this is partially animated.

Part of the problem is timing. It’s only been 10 years since the first “Moana” was released. Movies like Snow White and Lilo & Stitch, released last year 88 and 23 years after the originals, respectively, reintroduced the story to a new generation of young people. The kids who grew up with the original Moana are now around Moana’s age and aren’t parents yet, so the pop culture popularity hasn’t been inherited in the same way. Can we agree on the statute of limitations here? Suppose you have to reach drinking age to reboot the movie.

It would be great to see value-added strategies like this. Perhaps it’s a major stylistic shift, similar to how Tim Burton brought a dark whimsy to Dumbo. Or you could revamp the arc of a character that desperately needs improvement, like Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid or Jasmine in Aladdin. Or you can flesh out a classic story with a new humanity, similar to Mulan or Beauty and the Beast.

Simply putting The Rock in a questionable wig and having Lin-Manuel Miranda write a new song (“Along the Way”) doesn’t cut it, especially at a time when audiences are flocking to original movies (“Project Hail Mary,” “Obsession,” etc.). Even throwing a bunch of babbling minions on the big screen isn’t as easy a home run as it used to be.

Live-action versions of popular manga can bring in big profits. No one is being fooled here. But at least you should try Don’t look like a cash grabber.

The best example of this isn’t Disney’s Jam. Like the OG “Moana,” 2010’s “How to Train Your Dragon” is a great animated fantasy that doesn’t need a live-action remake. But last year, the film won an award, not only recreating the emotional awe and spectacle of the first film, but also deepening the young characters’ relationships with each other. We removed unnecessary things and made them essential.

You can’t stop the Hollywood remake industrial complex. It’s good for Disney to tackle bad animated movies, Mars Needs Mama and The Black Cauldron are right around the corner, but folks, it’s only a matter of time before we see new versions of Hercules, Tower, and definitely Frozen.

Just be creative. The Mouse House was built on imagination and ingenuity. It’s not like Walt and his friends were mass-producing “Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs” and “102 Dalmatians” back in the day. (Of course, the latter was a live-action sequel.) Look at Pixar. For every “Toy Story 5” and “Inside Head 2,” the acclaimed studio has also released an extraordinarily original film (see: “The Hoppers”).

We live in a cynical world. So it’s not hard to think that someone has already made a prequel where Moana takes the wrong lesson and young Maui gets his first magical fishing hook.

Honestly, that wouldn’t be welcome.

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