Jennifer Lopez: “Marriage is over”
Jennifer Lopez, who has been divorced four times, has made it clear that she has no intention of getting divorced again for a long time.
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There may be some truth behind the viral TikTok trend where women post images of themselves before and after a relationship ended and call it “divorce glow.”
In the videos, the women share how they’ve changed since their divorce, including feeling healthier, having clearer skin, and new wardrobes.
“The look in my eyes says it all,” one TikTok user, actress Michelle Calloway, wrote in a post eager for divorce. She posted her own “glow-up” about a year ago, and many users have since followed suit. “This was not just a visual transformation, but also an emotional, spiritual and energetic healing process.”
“Divorce doesn’t make you beautiful,” says Annie Wright, a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist. But when cortisol levels rise, “your face and body hold it.” When stressors are removed, cortisol decreases and “your face can literally become softer.”
Wright suspects that’s what happens to many divorcees who post online.
Experts say the escalation in divorce rates is a reality. But that’s not how women look after divorce.
“Divorce glow,” Wright said, is “what happens when women stop focusing their nervous systems on managing other people’s emotional states.” “That glow is truly a reclamation of energy, a visible expression of an autonomic nervous system that has finally found a rest.”
According to Wright, it’s physiological rather than superficial, but the internet is drawing attention to the outward changes seen in divorcees.
“Something is going on,” Wright said. “Women often look, feel and function better for a month after leaving a draining marriage. But again, this is not a divorce issue. I think it’s a neurological issue.”
Wright says that for many women in heterosexual relationships, the invisible mental burden of emotional labor, mood management, and overfunctioning to keep relationships and families running smoothly can trigger a mild chronic stress response. Divorce-induced physical growth is “retroactive evidence of how marriage is affecting our bodies,” she says.
But Wright said divorce is not necessarily the answer to chronic stress, as marriage is often not the only cause of chronic stress. Career, family, friendships, finances, illness, caregiving, and other stressors can be blamed on marriage. What women also don’t share in their glow-up posts are changes they’ve made outside of divorce, like getting a different job, exercising more, or starting a new diet.
And some divorced women find that life on the other side of the marriage isn’t so good after all. Wright said these women are not “lifted up,” because they likely made decisions from a state of inner turmoil and panic, and did not address the root cause of their distress.
“This trend may subtly suggest that there is a tangible aesthetic to healing: better skin, better bodies, better wardrobes,” Wright said. “But what is actually healing is almost invisible.”
“It’s okay to start over again.”
Jennifer Noel, a registered clinical mental health resident at Wave of Edgewater, a women’s mental health treatment center in Florida, said divorce has historically had negative connotations and is often seen as a women’s issue rather than a marriage issue. Women often bear the brunt of the shame and sadness that comes with divorce, and for many women, divorce can be seen as a personal failure.
But now more than ever, Noel says, women are avoiding the expectations of previous generations and considering all options for happiness rather than staying in relationships that don’t serve them.
“The influx of women trying to change the narrative[of divorce]and make it more empowering is incredible,” Noel said. “Watching other women survive and thrive through that time is not only incredibly inspirational, but also a challenge to societal norms.”
Noel said the video lets women who are currently struggling with unfulfilling or toxic relationships know that it’s okay to start over and rediscover themselves outside of their roles as wives and mothers.
Wright said there are so many emotions and ups and downs for people going through a divorce that a 30-second TikTok video can’t convey. And because of the stigma surrounding divorce, women have mostly gone through it in silence and isolation.
But Noel believes video trends like these, as well as online and in-person forums for women, are helping to change the game.
“We’re really seeing this empathy among women,” Noel said. “That empathy allows women to see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
Madeline Mitchell’s role covering women and the care economy for USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Contact Madeline at: memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ With X.
