LOS ANGELES — I don’t think I’ve ever hugged someone for so long in my life.
A few seconds ago, I was standing across from a stranger. Now we are in a full embrace, arms around each other. To be honest, I can’t even remember the person’s name. I’ve already forgotten how long the hug was supposed to last. A coordinator named Beth, with soft eyes and a gentle smile, guides us through a variety of touch-based exercises. And she should tell us when it’s time to let go. Still, it feels like a century ago.
So far this evening, I have looked into a stranger’s eyes for more than three minutes, placed my hand over another person’s heart, and placed their hand over mine. But this practice, the long hug, is basically the final boss of The Fields (and perhaps this touch single mixer is the most well-known practice). And I am determined to see it through, no matter how awkward it feels.
The Feels is a single mixer that employs a variety of touch-based techniques aimed at helping participants learn more about themselves, chip away at their defenses, and perhaps even fall in love in the process. The Level 1 experience I attended typically costs around $90-100, and in October I had the opportunity to observe the Level 2 version and interview The Fields mastermind Arie Hoffman. While researching for that article, Hoffman encouraged me to try The Fields for myself in November. My curiosity was piqued, so I couldn’t pass up this opportunity.
The situation is as follows.
The date broke. “The Fields” wants to fix that.
Hoffman has previously said Los Angeles is an interesting market for The Fields, and it’s understandable why. On the other hand, there are many people in this city who are deeply invested in psycho-spirituality. On the other side, one of the country’s most notorious image-driven dating scenes takes place.
But Hoffman has devised a way to counter the typical transactional nature of online dating. It’s about encouraging single people to have deep eye contact, spiritually centered conversations, and consensual touching. Touch a lot, a lot. Thus, The Fields was born.
Mixers may seem strange to some, but for Hoffman, who earned a master’s degree in psychology with a focus on spirituality from Columbia University, there is a method to the madness. By getting people out of their heads and in touch, she hopes to inspire them to forget their limiting beliefs and rules about dating. It worked for some people. Hoffman has heard stories of people getting engaged because of The Fields.
“A lot of what we’re trying to do is just get it into the body,” Hoffman told me in October. “There is incredible wisdom and information within the body. The body knows, ‘Is this person really with me? Is this person seeing me? Am I feeling good energetically?'”
I’m not an energy healer, but one of the things I enjoyed most about my time at The Fields was how open and motivated everyone there seemed. Sure, there was some nervous laughter at times. But everyone seemed relaxed, optimistic, and ready to try something new.
It had a distinctly different atmosphere than a typical singles event or dating app.
Did I fall in love at The Fields?
“Hey, how are you doing?” “How’s Saturday?” “What’s up?”
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read these messages and likes from other people on dating apps. And, truth be told, I don’t really blame people for sticking with these safe openers (I’m also guilty of sending safe openers every now and then). Dating apps are strange, aren’t they? Humans didn’t evolve to fall in love over text. Plus, how else are you supposed to start a conversation with the limited information about someone available online?
While the touch practice was decent, my favorite part of The Feels were the conversation prompts that preceded it. Someone asked me to tell about a time when we had to face our own shadows. This was a question that the Carl Jung fan in me loved. Another asked us to share a time when being an underdog brought something positive to our lives. The other is the problems that surfaced in our past relationships and what might actually be behind them (oh).
What made The Fields feel so transgressive to me had less to do with the contact and more to do with how quickly and deeply the conversation went. Even if I didn’t have a romantic relationship, opening up to a stranger definitely felt therapeutic. These moments were typical of conversations on dating apps. They were much more human.
In conclusion, I couldn’t meet anyone I wanted to date. But as Hoffman told me in October, that’s not the point — and I went to work with that mindset. When you meet your person there, she thinks it’s great – some people do. But the real benefit, she says, is vulnerability and openness. That way, when you meet that person, you’ll be ready to form a deep and meaningful connection.
“The dream for me is that people take it off the mat and take it out into the world. That they ask deeper, more open questions. That they stop and say, ‘I just want to reflect positively on you.’ They stop and say, ‘Hey, can I have a little more hug?'” she says. “It’s not about meeting the love of your life. It’s about learning new tools.”
I will continue to carry these tools with me. Perhaps save the long, uninterrupted hugs until at least the second date.
