Love: That’s a long time ago. But the way we talk about it is constantly evolving.
Remember “beige flag”, “illness” and “situation”? Well, these conditions are from last year. Now, daters have to deal with “thrones,” “Banksy,” and “postal coding.” They are also subject to a “monkey ban.” And no, it’s not as sweet and innocent as it sounds.
Amy Chang, a dating coach and author of Breakup Boot Camp: The Science of Rewiring Your Mind, previously told USA TODAY that people shouldn’t be surprised if hot new dating terms keep popping up. Modern dating in the digital age has become so arcane that people are struggling to make sense of their experiences, so they’re inventing new words to process it, she said.
“Modern dating has become so complex that we need new words just to explain what’s happening to us,” she said. “It’s kind of made dating woes part of the public conversation in a way that hasn’t been done before.”
So if you’re having a hard time keeping up with the labyrinth that is the dating landscape, you’re not alone. We’ve put together a handy guide to all the latest terms and trends. That way, you’ll know exactly what’s going on the next time you lose your “throne” to someone who was about to play “Shrek.”
What is a throne?
Looking for your “king” or “queen”? Be careful.
To “sit” is to date someone in order to raise your social status. The goal for the throne-seeker is to acquire an influential partner, so that his or her own image is improved by association.
“Basically, a date is a throne used to exalt the person on the throne,” one TikToker explains in a video. “This scenario focuses only on social influence and status, not on building real emotional connections.”
The TikToker warns, “If someone seems overly focused on your status or social circle and changes their attitude towards you depending on whether you’re in public or private…this could be an indication of entitlement.”
What is Shrecking?
“Shrecking” refers to dating someone you are not attracted to in the hopes that they will make you better. After all, Princess Fiona made a bet on Shrek, and it turned out great for her, right?
Unfortunately, the fact that you were “Shrek” means that the person to whom you lowered your standards also ended up hurting you. As Chan previously stated, “In this plotline, you’re dating a demon without the princess treatment.”
“A lot of people put looks low on the list or expected it to become more attractive over time, which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing,” she added. “Where it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they look ‘lesser’ they will automatically be treated better.”
What is Banksy?
The name “Banksy” comes from the elusive street artist Banksy, known for his art that appears out of nowhere and often has a mysterious twist. Like a mysterious Banksy artwork, Banksy in a relationship means slowly and emotionally withdrawing from your partner without telling them you’re doing it. When the time finally comes to break up, Banksy often ends up feeling better by mentally dissolving the relationship long ago, leaving the other person blindsided and confused.
When someone uses this technique, they begin to destroy the relationship before the other person even notices it coming. Some of Banksy’s art has famously been self-destructed, such as the painting he shredded himself after selling for $1.4 million at auction.
What is ZIP coding?
“ZIP coding” takes many forms depending on who you ask. In the most common version, people set very narrow filters on dating apps to avoid meeting people outside their zip code.
For some, the zip code goes further. They only date someone while that person is in their area, but consider them single when they are outside of their zip code. Think of college students who are monogamous during the school year but date other people when they’re home for the holidays. Or maybe you get a boyfriend while you’re together at summer camp.
All of this speaks to what Chan calls an unhealthy obsession with place that has taken over dating.
“We expect everything to be coordinated, quick and frictionless, as if love works like food delivery,” she says. “However, that approach can lead to narcissists focusing on what’s easiest for us or what appeals to our egos, rather than fostering real connections.”
What is monkey barring?
“Monkey Birling” alludes to how, in dating, partners move from connection to connection, only letting go of old connections when they move on to the next connection.
Amanda Miller, a sociology professor at the University of Indianapolis, previously told USA TODAY that this behavior is not all that new. But now, the phenomenon is even more prevalent as Gen Z struggles to find real-life connections in the age of dating apps.
“What seems like an eternity of swipe, swipe, swipe makes it seem like there’s an infinite number of partners, but that’s not really the case,” Miller said. She added that people go to bars because they want to feel safe. They avoid the weakness that comes with leaving a relationship and being alone.
Contributed by Nicole Fallert and Rachel Hale, USA TODAY
