LOS ANGELES – The group gathered in the darkness, dimly lit by electric candles.
Some people are fidgeting with their hands. Some people look back and forth in the corner of the room. Some people walk around the space wondering which red cushion seat to sit on. Chairs are arranged in pairs in a circle around a central carpet.
No, it’s not a cult gathering. It’s not even a séance, but a passerby peering through the window on a chilly October night might wonder. It’s a single mixer, employing a variety of touch-based techniques aimed at encouraging participants to learn more about themselves, chip away at their defenses, and maybe even fall in love along the way.
The mastermind behind this experience, Allie Hoffman, nicknamed The Fields, breaks the tense buzz in the air by declaring to the group that modern dating is indeed broken.
“The world feels so tough, and we truly believe it’s our fault,” Hoffman said in a presentation to kick off the mixer. “I don’t believe that’s true. I think there are macro-level forces that are affecting us and creating the situation we’re in right now. And I’m here to unpack a lot of that.”
What’s her plan? Ask singles to engage in deep eye contact, spiritually centered conversations, and consensual touching. Touch a lot, a lot.
It may seem strange to some, but for Hoffman, who earned a master’s degree in psychology with a concentration in spirituality from Columbia University, there is a method to madness. By getting people out of their heads and in touch, she hopes to inspire them to forget their limiting beliefs and rules about dating. It worked for some people. Hoffman said she’s heard from people who got engaged because of The Fields.
“A lot of what we’re trying to do is just get into the body,” Hoffman said in an interview after the event. “There is incredible wisdom and information within the body. The body knows, ‘Is this person really with me? Is this person seeing me? Am I feeling good energetically?'”
“I feel like I’m being watched.”
Hoffman said The Fields was born out of a personal need. Tired of typical singles events, she wanted to create a space where people could meet like-minded people.
She held the first version of The Fields in August 2022. Now it’s a national business, with Hoffman hosting various versions in cities across the country. On October 22nd in Los Angeles, she hosted The Feels Level 2. This is an iteration that provides more advanced touch exercises and pre-investigative screening of participants on their inner work journey. Hoffman said the study’s goal is to pair people with similar emotional intelligence and spiritual alignment.
Level 2 events also cost more (approximately $200 per person). The Level 1 version does not include surveys or personalized matching and costs approximately $90 to $100.
At the beginning of Level 2 in Los Angeles, Hoffman explains the culprits of modern dating chaos. Among them is capitalism, which has encouraged people to take a transactional attitude toward dating. Technology has eroded the critical interpersonal skills essential to building lasting relationships. And pop culture has sold people unrealistic expectations of romance.
The antidote, Hoffman says, is to bring people back into real, authentic connections with each other. Her methods include eye contact and a gentle, non-erotic touch.
“Choosing to actually exist with other beings is a true act of rebellion,” Hoffman says after the event. “I’m really interested in how we can map the path to get there.”
Through experience, Hoffman combines singles and matches many times based on his findings. However, the final pairing of the night is a “wild card.” That means people can play against whoever they want.
Each pairing begins with a discussion of the prompt. These prompts are not “What would you do?” questions. or “Where are you from?” one person asks. “Where do you feel like you’re at rock bottom in your life right now? And why are you there?” Another question is, “What are you grateful you learned from your parents? And what should you have learned from them?”
Exercises will follow each discussion. In one photo, the pair stare into each other’s eyes for minutes on end. In another they “finger” each other. This involves gently sliding your fingers over the other person’s body. They also hug each other in long hugs. Before each exercise involving touch, a brief discussion of consent between each pair takes place.
Some pairs stand while hugging. Some people sit on chairs. Others go to the floor. At the end of the night, each person will share a few words about their experience.
“I feel like I’m being watched,” one person said. Another person says, “My body feels better.” “I feel warm and rejuvenated,” says another.
It all sounds great. But would anyone have fallen in love?
“It’s showing up. I’m here. ‘
Hoffman said Los Angeles is an interesting market for The Fields. On the other hand, there are many people in this city who are deeply invested in psycho-spirituality. On the other hand, it also has one of the country’s most notorious image-driven dating scenes.
Eric Friedlander, a 40-year-old startup founder, says he’s having a hard time finding dates in the city, and he’s not alone. He says nearly everyone he knows feels burned out by the fast pace of life in Los Angeles and dating apps.
He says that mindfulness practice and therapy are key to his health, and that dating people who feel the same way is important to him. That’s why he came to The Fields.
“Everyone here is showing up,” he says. “I go to restaurants. I go to events where people gather. It’s hard to find people who are like, ‘I’m here. I’m here. I want to be involved.'”
Friedlander said he hopes to meet some people at The Fields and set up a date. He doesn’t know how those connections will ultimately turn out, but he says the experience itself was valuable either way.
For Hoffman, trying to find love in The Fields is largely beside the point. When you meet your person there, she thinks it’s great – some people do. But the real benefit, she says, is vulnerability and openness. That way, when you meet that person, you’ll be ready to form a deep and meaningful connection with them.
“The dream for me is that people take it off the mat and take it out into the world. That they ask deeper, more open questions. That they stop and say, ‘I just want to reflect positively on you.’ They stop and say, ‘Hey, can I have a little more hug?'” she says. “It’s not about meeting the love of your life. It’s about learning new tools.”
And perhaps, with these tools, we can begin to reimagine modern dating, one long hug at a time.
